Saturday, November 26, 2011

Survival Of The Fittest

The thing that had killed me flailed its arms and danced,
Gibbering like a goblin.
It had vanity dangling out of one empty orbit, or perhaps it was only
The claw that I lost when I raked it,
Puncturing sight,
Wiping out the left side of everything.

"I still have the right," it wheezed unpleasantly, gloating.
I was weak,
My ghost and my breaths darting in and out of me,
Offended to the core,
Shocked and rasping.

"Dust is dust!" the thing squealed idiotically,
Leaping, cavorting, launching itself against the unforgiving rocks around.
It gained strength as I lay on the ground, bleeding out, suffering.

Its laughter was horrible.

Finally, it brought its one good eye up to mine,
The one closest to God, furthest from Hell.
"EEEEEEEEEE!!!" it screamed,
And I closed my face.
My skull rattled within my skin...
Without hope for myself, but with great hatred for my tormentor,
I made my jaw open, my tongue move,
To speak a single word in dying.

Hearing it, the thing choked, pie-eyed, head on a swivel;
It jumped back, fled itself, tore itself apart with horror.
In that moment, how I loved my own perfect cruelty!

What did it see, you'll ask, there on every side?
What eyes followed it like dread fate multiplied
In twos?
What was the whispered word that made it lose its mind?

The thing had killed me, but killed me too late.
I had time to call my cherished ones,
To manifest my revenge in a single word:


for dverse poetics "wild"


Brian Miller said...

oh yes, when you take on the should not gloat is striking down just one...

vivid storytelling shay and great descriptors...was feeling bad for your had me waiting intent to hear the word...and smiled once it was unveiled....

Mark Kerstetter said...

There's a reason to procreate. If some wild thing is tearing the side of your face off you'll have revenge. Of course under the best of circumstances I'd be a little freaked out surrounded by a bunch of babies. Just sayin.

Zoe said...

Nicely done! Very strong images, with a great suspense about the 'word'. Loved it!

Anonymous said...

strong words set in savagery (judged savage by me, at a laptop)
Enjoyed the ghost and breaths darting in and out, and the awareness of endings

well executed...intriguing exploration

Cloudia said...




another amazing opening line!

Aloha from Waikiki !

Comfort Spiral

> < } } ( ° >


< ° ) } } > <

hedgewitch said...

I'm likin the pie-eyed swivel and the closed face, a lot.This monster is just a little too real for comfort, that dangling eye, cavorting gloat, the demon within it more than nature's reddest fang, and the dying spit in the eye from it's defiant prey, expelled hope turned to pure hate--there's a terrible irony that it's remaining eye is 'closer to God.' Yeesh! Looks like I'll be checkin under the bed again tonight..

mac said...

Babies !

Kerry O'Connor said...

I wish I could borrow your writer's mojo for just one day...
This chilled me to the bone as I thought of all the wild things torn apart by man's intrusions, and wondered if there are enough babies to take their place.

Caty said...

I'm surrounded by babies at work, and believe me, they can be end of a gal! no, really, I love my job. and I love this wicked poem too- from beginning to the final word "babies"

I am glad that the attacker got his and "you" got your due vengeance :)

Claudia said...

great building up of tension...i was sitting there..reading faster and faster cause i wanted to KNOW that word...

Dave King said...

In that moment, how I loved my own perfect cruelty!

There's a wealth of human truth buried in that sentence.

Lynn said...

Yes - this is chilling!

Anonymous said...

My only revenge against my older brother, who daily ended up kicking my ass for one thing or another (the offense was merely prelude to a killing joy) was to get my revenge with a word, lobbing some well-crafted bit of dis like a buck knife between his parting shoulders. Why else write poems, eh? As Rilke said, it's all about being defeated by successively greater angels. - Brendan

Anonymous said...

"Departing," not "parting" ... B

Anonymous said...

surprise ending for me... way to be there

Sherry Blue Sky said...

As always, you amaze, with your Muse, your imagination, your talent. The loose eyeball is an esopecially nice touch of the gruesome. I, too, enjoyed the neck swivel, and the flying apart of the monster at your character's final word.

Sheila Moore said...

intense write - glad you didn't leave us hanging with that word - I couldnn't wait to read what it was :)

Shawna said...

I love this line: "My ghost and my breaths darting in and out of me"

ds said...

Wonderful write! Intense and suspenseful. "In that moment, how I loved my own perfect cruelty!"
That is perfect. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Your great descriptors, shimmering imagery, and entrancing storytelling all conspire to reach new poetic heights.

Mama Zen said...

"I still have the right." Gorgeous and chilling play on words (if I'm reading it correctly).

Anonymous said...

oooooooh! i like this chick {cat}! revenge is sweet when it's written like this. BRILLIANT!!! ♥ ♥ ♥