"I can't help still having a soft spot for Pan," says Egg, in an interview.
"Pan was the one who brought me out of my shell,
And when we touched, well! Things heated up in a hurry."
Egg looks wistful for a moment, then continues.
"But just when I was feeling solid in our relationship,
Just when I felt so sunny,
Pan dumped me."
A little drop of yolk slips down her face.
"It wasn't pretty after that.
First there was Plate, who was cold.
Then there was Fork, who was even worse, and left me in pieces.
I thought," says Egg, bravely,
"That I might be consumed entirely. But I wasn't."
"That was when I met Mayo and Mustard.
After the terrible loneliness of my post-Pan days, I finally felt that I was a part of something larger than myself."
Egg smiles shyly.
"I suppose you could say those were my salad days."
"But I never really forgot my first love, Pan.
Oh I know, he's heated it up with Bacon and Hash Browns and who-knows-who since we split up,
But I'll always love him anyway.
Pan was such a hottie."
The audience, mostly women, go "Awww," and several of them fumble in their bags for a tissue.
Oprah leans closer to Egg and asks gently,
"What about Chicken? The media has portrayed you as everything from bitter rivals, to being as close as mother and daughter. They even link Chicken and Pan romantically. Egg, what do you have to say about all of that?"
The audience gasps.
Oprah's face is alive with empathy.
The camera zooms in.
"Oh, Chicken just got her feathers ruffled because, with Pan, she knows that I came first."