tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post1362496916469634490..comments2024-03-29T11:56:05.509-04:00Comments on Shay's Word Garden (Poetry & Such Like): Neptune's DinnerFireblossomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07040525704916368792noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-71235012697605381902016-03-29T23:58:44.799-04:002016-03-29T23:58:44.799-04:00I buy pasta that looks like bird nests... Such sim...I buy pasta that looks like bird nests... Such simple everyday images are turned into worry and looming disaster... so sad... that last line!Margarethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00007201357693227614noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-60194881664499438382016-03-29T19:49:42.905-04:002016-03-29T19:49:42.905-04:00Very clever, the way you let "does our Eileen...Very clever, the way you let "does our Eileen" hang, asking a question rather than making a statement. She doesn't. And she does. But the intensity involved is just too strong to avoid the inevitable tug-and-pull through the storyline, regardless of the gutting that comes in the middle and even worse, at the end.✿https://www.blogger.com/profile/01044032159371976375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-54512908480053030132016-03-29T19:46:41.762-04:002016-03-29T19:46:41.762-04:00I love the Beetlejuice nod in the third stanza.
T...I love the Beetlejuice nod in the third stanza.<br /><br />This reminds me of that movie about the mother who only imagines she has a child, but she doesn't really. So to everyone around her, pretending, she's just crazy. But inside her own head, it all makes perfect sense. She genuinely believes she has this child, who doesn't really exist at all.<br /><br />All that looking in the beginning ... that's just what it's like to be a mother, to have your head on sideways most of the time, looking for who-remembers-what in all the wrong places. Cooking for people who aren't really even there to eat.<br /><br />Worse than knowing you're crazy is <i>wondering</i> if you might be crazy. At least if you're all-in, then you're committed to it, and maybe you can embrace it. But if you're somewhere in the middle, confused about what's really happening, then you're probably in pretty bad shape.<br /><br />"for perished sparrows and<br />heavy accidents" ... This is beautiful. But I think the sparrows are fine. They are not babies. And I don't think she's responsible. Appearances can be deceiving. I'm sure there's a world of understory that no one's aware of.<br /><br />How fascinating that she's sort of running this "hotel" for the lost ... birds, their babies, ghosts ... any who feel unwanted or homeless, maybe.<br /><br />"staircase by a perfect hook" ... Here, I see "stare-case" ... which makes me think of a suitcase full of stares. Either way, if she's hooking people, maybe even "hook(er)ing?", she's drawing them in ... Now I feel like she might be a madam at a whorehouse. And all this confusion, loss, and sadness gives us a clue as to why she (and the other girls) are in this position. <br /><br />"Eileen descends to 20,000 fathoms<br />for some solitude and quiet" ... I like what you did with the double meaning in "fathom." And I think I might see "soul-itude" as well. Perhaps "sol-itude," which is much-needed time in the sun ... yet, somehow, she's still underwater.<br /><br />Eileen = I lean = eye lean<br />bowling = be owl-ing, which has to do with trying to grasp at some sort of wisdom and discernment, when she isn't really sure what the ground beneath her is made of<br />tornadoes = torn adieus<br />purpose = purr pose<br /><br />"and a comforting sense that when they are ghosts<br />wind won't matter anymore" ... I love this.<br /><br />"Neptune dissolves (die-solves) at last" ... as if he is an Alka-seltzer tablet. :)<br /><br />"Gettysburg Address" = get iceberg address, which goes back to your comment about the mail earlier ... maybe this has to do with being able to contact her son, who may or may not really exist<br />"under a blue sky" = under a blues Ki<br />"... where being alone is (a) come-on"<br /><br />Wonderful work. I thoroughly enjoyed this.✿https://www.blogger.com/profile/01044032159371976375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-91168699497114386622016-03-29T14:28:39.398-04:002016-03-29T14:28:39.398-04:00Oof. This was like you took me on a roller coaste...Oof. This was like you took me on a roller coaster with your words. I stepped on the ride unsure of where you were going to take me and then *bam* I'm there at the end saying "Oh, wow."Jennifer Wagnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04344877737695801883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-14184135262916208482016-03-29T02:37:19.503-04:002016-03-29T02:37:19.503-04:00I have felt the darkness of alone when others gath...I have felt the darkness of alone when others gather for a holiday. It is uncomfortable dining alone on one's thoughts. This reaches me profoundly.Susie Clevengerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09239990133754328967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-44069555001585757222016-03-28T13:30:01.512-04:002016-03-28T13:30:01.512-04:00No matter how perfect, there is always a crack. Th...No matter how perfect, there is always a crack. This reminds me of a dream with many crazy images.Bekkie Sanchezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16300001421561443693noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-66245404744359640182016-03-28T07:47:36.208-04:002016-03-28T07:47:36.208-04:00Fissures in life. Sad but touched my heart deeply!...Fissures in life. Sad but touched my heart deeply!Carol Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09366366047409134966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-54091486443201645312016-03-28T06:16:57.771-04:002016-03-28T06:16:57.771-04:00Melancholy and beautiful.Melancholy and beautiful.Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13984802196897920610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-69094693571543557062016-03-27T20:43:13.515-04:002016-03-27T20:43:13.515-04:00This makes me so sad.This makes me so sad.Maude Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03669688074743095866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-77191414385083638772016-03-27T15:43:20.753-04:002016-03-27T15:43:20.753-04:00Melancholy--THAT'S the word I was looking for ...Melancholy--THAT'S the word I was looking for to describe this poem.Sioux Roslawskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17924021828536277618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-83397393475801821592016-03-27T14:03:20.687-04:002016-03-27T14:03:20.687-04:00I like the way you brought everything together in ...I like the way you brought everything together in these lines:<br /><br />She joins a bowling league, but they don't bowl--<br />they rescue birds from tornados, and in doing so find purpose<br />and a comforting sense that when they are ghosts<br />wind won't matter anymore.Kerry O'Connorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00720862912375945249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-65209840262380925102016-03-27T13:42:31.051-04:002016-03-27T13:42:31.051-04:00I like debi's calling this a fractured fairyta...I like debi's calling this a fractured fairytale. Perfect! That last line hits the heart.Sherry Blue Skyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10769154286598233146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-32658991036694547072016-03-27T11:09:09.476-04:002016-03-27T11:09:09.476-04:00"She feels responsible, does our Eileen,
for ..."She feels responsible, does our Eileen,<br />for perished sparrows and<br />heavy accidents.<br /><br />Eileen descends to 20,000 fathoms<br />for some solitude and quiet,<br />but at her feet she finds little lobsters with rubber bands around their claws.<br />They are intended for Neptune's dinner,<br />and cannot deliver the mail.<br /><br /><br /><br />Neptune dissolves at last, perhaps allowing Eileen to believe again in something-- <br />maybe lobsters signing the Gettysburg Address for the hearing impaired<br />under a blue sky<br />where being alone is common<br />and doesn't make her feel ashamed, and like dying."<br /><br /><br />tasty!Cloudiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05853753108637831069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-19703837997809165152016-03-27T09:14:25.292-04:002016-03-27T09:14:25.292-04:00This is so dreamlike--trancelike, actually, and li...This is so dreamlike--trancelike, actually, and like a dream, it pulls images up from deep within and throws them at us in a hectic stream like bits of things that surface in a boiling pot, then disappear. The lobsters here seem much more warm-blooded and fuzzy than the usual crustacean, and everything excites our sympathy for this woman caught in the random and alienating nature of life and the toll it takes. I especially like "they rescue birds from tornadoes, and in doing so find purpose/and a comforting sense that when they are ghosts/wind won;t matter any more..' Beautiful as the tie-in reference to the earlier ghosts and birds, and beautiful as a stand-alone image.Just excellent, Shay.hedgewitchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13090696134322515899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-48389427843760292692016-03-27T08:21:15.147-04:002016-03-27T08:21:15.147-04:00That's a heart tugging tale. I loved the flow ...That's a heart tugging tale. I loved the flow of it.<br /><br />Pat<br />Critter Alley Pat Wahlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01138619912065680084noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-63212158060147214492016-03-27T07:23:28.423-04:002016-03-27T07:23:28.423-04:00Particularly beautiful close here, thanks, and won...Particularly beautiful close here, thanks, and wonderful imagery of the imagined or felt real. k. Outlawyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15698845661756444061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-37267063689415179682016-03-26T20:38:32.330-04:002016-03-26T20:38:32.330-04:00That's a lot of crack right there - like a f...That's a lot of crack right there - like a fractured fairytaleDebi Swimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08255928985823418669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-13968859107736250142016-03-26T19:18:07.097-04:002016-03-26T19:18:07.097-04:00Dark and twisty, this. The mom is obviously tryin...Dark and twisty, this. The mom is obviously trying to pull together "the normal" at the expense of her own self. Her son seems to be her world, and the mention of "a girl she hasn't even met" really stung. Well done, Shay. I used your take on the prompt, the crack, in my poem, too. AmyAmy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00546103899091072370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-68641406896042543702016-03-26T19:02:31.274-04:002016-03-26T19:02:31.274-04:00Oh, such a melancholy feel - love itOh, such a melancholy feel - love itAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com