tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post3955092449901458096..comments2024-03-28T15:32:26.808-04:00Comments on Shay's Word Garden (Poetry & Such Like): Athena, On The Down SideFireblossomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07040525704916368792noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-3712314902776239432014-08-27T17:01:48.156-04:002014-08-27T17:01:48.156-04:00"The number 17 Gratiot Avenue bus goes by,hea..."The number 17 Gratiot Avenue bus goes by,heading east and spinning old plastic grocery bags into the air behind it."<br /><br />How you manage to create such wonderful imagery with your words just amazes me. <br /><br />I don't how you feel about this, but hands down you are the best story poet I've ever read. You make me see your characters vividly, but most of all, you make me feel them -- their wishes, hopes, dreams, and their sadness... Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15995684156785464334noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-50556070393431813922014-08-26T02:14:28.501-04:002014-08-26T02:14:28.501-04:00I'm curious about that bet...I'm curious about that bet...grapelinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14929030339206629628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-44860680068765256472014-08-25T23:00:01.434-04:002014-08-25T23:00:01.434-04:00What a poignant portrait this is. Love the tone of...What a poignant portrait this is. Love the tone of the closing lines which are just spot-on...."Not like this...."Sherry Blue Skyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10769154286598233146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-18398907668479434062014-08-24T21:40:32.291-04:002014-08-24T21:40:32.291-04:00An especially poignant close--thanks. k. An especially poignant close--thanks. k. Outlawyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15698845661756444061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-12961192140622985862014-08-24T10:26:41.372-04:002014-08-24T10:26:41.372-04:00wow, i love this, Shay. it reads like a gritty doc...wow, i love this, Shay. it reads like a gritty documentary. i felt like i was in the diner with that damnable Bob Seger soaring while i sipped shitty coffee.Marianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04030161532713347225noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-70845508402127438472014-08-24T07:17:20.196-04:002014-08-24T07:17:20.196-04:00Yeah, Athena IS a survivor.
Too many gem-like lin...Yeah, Athena IS a survivor.<br /><br />Too many gem-like lines to cut and paste. Brilliant...which is what we expect (and get) from you. ;)Sioux Roslawskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17924021828536277618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-9212026468158026452014-08-24T00:09:23.874-04:002014-08-24T00:09:23.874-04:00I knew a girl named Athena once and this could be ...I knew a girl named Athena once and this could be her story. I love, "impenetrable indigo" and the way you weave astoundingly raw and fresh images into a story.C.C.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16393100446679896378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-15233528188175738722014-08-23T21:02:35.676-04:002014-08-23T21:02:35.676-04:00This made me ache.This made me ache.Maude Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03669688074743095866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-90175541630352186012014-08-23T19:53:29.237-04:002014-08-23T19:53:29.237-04:00I posted a word list, if you're interested.I posted a word list, if you're interested.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-77481694149501240802014-08-23T16:38:38.540-04:002014-08-23T16:38:38.540-04:00We're all lost somewhere between Detroit and d...We're all lost somewhere between Detroit and de blight of the 'burbs, I think ... A goddess has to fall a long way to find herself there, but don't we all. I'm rooting for the owl.Brendanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03983584155125369291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-89592263534552003832014-08-23T12:43:08.909-04:002014-08-23T12:43:08.909-04:00I hate to be trite but this poem is amazing. I'...I hate to be trite but this poem is amazing. I'm blown away.Debi Swimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08255928985823418669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-5138942302651035652014-08-23T10:51:28.483-04:002014-08-23T10:51:28.483-04:00Of course this is exceptional writing, which you n...Of course this is exceptional writing, which you never fail to deliver. But these are particularly attention-grabbing parts to me:<br /><br />"When a girl springs, fully formed, from the forehead of a God, <br />certain things are expected of her.<br />At Wellesley, they wouldn't let her keep her owl in the dorm"<br /><br />(In the first stanza, did you intend to capitalize "God" or omit "a"? If you are referring to many, I would think you'd lowercase "god".)<br /><br />"setting down plates of gyro petas or feta omelets" (a pleasure to read aloud)<br /><br />"or their absence because of clouds or impenetrable indigo"<br /><br />"gorgeous poems, or small animals with fur as soft as mercy, then she will kiss his feathers and believe that she is still a woman to be reckoned with"<br /><br />"It is getting dark and the fish market is closed." (again, the way you gently rhyme always enhances your poetry; it's often quite subtle, but your word choices are clearly based on the way things will sound together)<br /><br />I like your bravery in just presenting a piece the way it comes to you rather than trying to force it to fit a form or squeeze it into balanced stanzas or certain line lengths. It stands out to me here that some of this piece is in paragraphs, while some of the lines are intentionally long and others intentionally short. You do what needs to be done. I find this impressive; it gives me more satisfaction when I read, like you're allowing this creature to breathe as it was intended to rather than trying to make it be something logical or rule-abiding.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-61115384405343188332014-08-23T10:41:21.263-04:002014-08-23T10:41:21.263-04:00This picture-myth of one of my old gods, one of th...This picture-myth of one of my old gods, one of the best and cleanest of them, brought so low, is piercing in its intimacy--and that's even before the list really kicks in. Part of us is just auto-tuned to what is loosely called 'superstition,' that is, the unseen forces which control our lives, even in what we see or do at any given time--we know it in our bones, no matter that our highly civilized, ruined minds make a nonsense of it. However, there's something to be said for the mind rising above it, too--we have that ability, and it is really what gives us our wings--not love, which always passes, or other people, though they hold us up many times, but ourselves. I won't start quoting, because I couldn't stop, but every reference to the owl here is a bright blade, either of healing or of loss. Still, in my world, the old gods still laugh, and so Ms Athena, she's not dead at all.hedgewitchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13090696134322515899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-71788633749429312122014-08-23T07:25:57.305-04:002014-08-23T07:25:57.305-04:00When the Goddess of civilization, harvest, cities,...When the Goddess of civilization, harvest, cities, crafts, weaving and wisdom is this low, I knew she was waiting for something. I just didn't know what! Wow. And thanks for the Abbey Lincoln version of this old favorite.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05723639294340760325noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-59017670374664143852014-08-23T02:19:51.818-04:002014-08-23T02:19:51.818-04:00The hopelessness of Athena's situation - the w...The hopelessness of Athena's situation - the way you weave in lists to paint pictures.. I get this the same way as a painting by Hopper.. Somehow when we hit the bottom, everything cease to move.. and I expect this is the moment when she gather the strength to get on and reclaim herself.brudberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12563403553536472377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-78960736494028583672014-08-23T02:10:18.815-04:002014-08-23T02:10:18.815-04:00This is an amazing companion piece to Brendan'...This is an amazing companion piece to Brendan's poem. Great minds thinking alike in their own unique ways. Where his road seemed deserted, yours has a warm heart in it, still hoping.Kerry O'Connorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00720862912375945249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-77646757280308018982014-08-23T00:46:39.372-04:002014-08-23T00:46:39.372-04:00You set the scene so fully, Shay...I love the list...You set the scene so fully, Shay...I love the list-y-ness that happens near the end especially that of the stars and the number-speak...I get numbers that like to call on me frequently - not sure what they're trying to say though. <br /><br />Awesome write and thank you for the challenge! :)Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10124956200834969600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-25914018800460987262014-08-23T00:00:00.357-04:002014-08-23T00:00:00.357-04:00Love the title...I'm with Lolamouse..Athena ma...Love the title...I'm with Lolamouse..Athena may of landed in the dark, but she will find a way out of it. As always, you amaze me.Susie Clevengerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09239990133754328967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-24432650630315430472014-08-22T22:37:18.903-04:002014-08-22T22:37:18.903-04:00I'm betting on old Athena. The smart ones find...I'm betting on old Athena. The smart ones find a way!Lolamousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12508347229501155001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-71322175970254822912014-08-22T22:20:08.445-04:002014-08-22T22:20:08.445-04:00Holy shit!
This is amazing.
Has a Nail Gaiman f...Holy shit!<br /> <br />This is amazing.<br /><br />Has a Nail Gaiman feel to it, too.<br /><br />So you know Detroit.<br /><br />I'm a displaced Toledoan lining in the NW burbs.<br /><br />Cheers!<br />JzBJazzbumpahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07337490817307473659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3107838361391025851.post-11026871381858555822014-08-22T21:31:38.281-04:002014-08-22T21:31:38.281-04:00oh, my. the last paragraph, i could feel the fear ...oh, my. the last paragraph, i could feel the fear in me build. <br /><br />i loved the phrase: fur as soft as mercy.<br /><br />lordy, you amaze me.TexWisGirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13641962051044162710noreply@blogger.com