Thursday, August 25, 2011

Excelsior

"Melvin? I ran into our old neighbors today. They asked about you."

"Huh? Oh. Fine."

They have a new Escalade. You know, the Suburu is making that weird pinging noise again. Tom said he could get us a deal on--"

"Tom's a prick. Laurie's a slut."

"Melvin!"

(shrug)

"You know what, Melvin?"

(mumbling) "For god's sake..."

"I feel like some Twizzlers."

"Try the store."

"Well....I was hoping you'd go get some for me."

"Fuck that."

"Melvin!"

"What? Are your legs broken?"

"Do you even love me anymore, Mel?"

"Yeah. Wow, look at that dunk."

(sigh) "When we got married, all my friends were so jealous. I was marrying an astronaut!"

"Why don't you go to the store?"

"It's too far."

"It is not. I went to the freaking moon for chrissakes. You can go to the store."

"Well I don't trust the Suburu, and you won't let me take the Rover."

"So walk. It's good exercise." 

"Like you would know. C'mon, I want some Twizzlers. Be my knight in shining armor and get me some."

"What?"

"Goddamit, Melvin."

"The 7-11 is right around the corner. It's one small step for--"

"I swear to God, Melvin...don't say it."

_______

11 comments:

Daryl said...

Nice to start my morning with a grin!

nene said...

Dang! Do you have our house bugged? (Giggle;snort) Thanks.

Brian Miller said...

just cause you plant your flag in a moon dont make it yours, esp if you dont take care of it...

twizzlers sound nice...

Mama Zen said...

Twizzlers!

hedgewitch said...

What, he didn't tell her where to put the twizzlers? Laffin my socks off, dear.

Lynn said...

Funny! Twizzlers get in my teeth, so I don't eat them, but that's what I used to recommend to clients to buy at the movies when I was a weight loss counselor.

haikulovesongs said...

{{{giggle}}}} ♥

Sioux said...

A bit of out-of-this-world whimsy from the wordgarden tonight...

HermanTurnip said...

...one giant leap for Twizzlers?

Lydia said...

One of the funniest (in an infuriating way) things I've read for awhile. Made me think of another funny with an astronaut at
this blog. She doesn't hot-link individual posts so scroll down to the one for Saturday, Aug. 20. :)

Your "Inner Child" is totally cool.

Lolamouse said...

Now I want Twizzlers! (They're my fav candy!)