Monday, June 29, 2015

When Eaten By Sharks

When eaten by sharks, try to stay calm.
If possible, write down the genus and species;
call your old professor if you think she can help.

Don't automatically assume that being eaten by sharks is pure disaster.
Imagine that smug know-it-all relation of yours. 
Imagine his face when you greet his latest pronouncement by leaning out from rows of enormous teeth,
waving at him from between shreds of seal, 
laughing at him from your unassailable new address.

When eaten by sharks, try to remember which shark took what portion.
By doing this, you may be able to reassemble a prototype,
from which a full replacement may be constructed.

Most of all, try to acclimate yourself as soon as possible.
Inside these perpetually swimming creatures, travel is yours.
If limbs remain usable, hit the inside of the shark's belly with an open hand;
the resulting bass beat will astonish nearby boaters.
"Listen," they will say to each other, "that's Morse code."

Send letters, long, short, long, describing being eaten by sharks.
Query editors. Self-publish. Above all, work quickly.
________

 

10 comments:

Sioux said...

This is certainly a well-timed post. The nerve of those sharks... doing what they're born to do...

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Love the Morse code inquiries about self-publishing. LOL. Only you can write a poem like this. I am forever grateful to the Poetry Goddess that I found my way here by way of the Witch of Waxahachie.

Ileana said...

Work quickly indeed. Shay at her finest... I'm moving to Tampa, chica...four hours away from Miami by car. Looking forward to new adventures. xo

Cloudia said...

That IS an unassailable address! So many delights here!





ALOHA
ComfortSpiral
=^..^=

(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")

Kerry O'Connor said...

There were two Great White shark attacks within days of each other off the SA coast last week - one boy lost a leg and the other was lucky to escape with several wounds but all his limbs. This makes your comparison all the more powerful in my mind.

Kim Nelson said...

Freaking hilarious! Such the bright side. I never thought the day would come when I thought Shay was a bit Pollyanna!

Ara said...

This line is priceless: "If possible, write down the genus and species"

By "sharks," I think you're describing a certain type of predatory lover. By "old professor," I think you're describing the first woman who "attacked" you like this. And no matter how much it hurts to get eaten, you'd probably let it happen every time. Some people just like being preyed upon. Circled, even. Besides, you obviously know how to handle the sharks well---you, Miss Finesse, just sitting in its mouth, unharmed, waving at everyone on the outside. Obviously you aren't really going to be destroyed. You're too tough, girl. Thick skin, and such. It's sure not your first go-round with someone like this. It's actually surprising you were able to piece yourself back together, but you did it. Maybe you're even stronger for having been formerly ripped apart.

I seriously adore this stanza:
"When eaten by sharks, try to remember which shark took what portion.
By doing this, you may be able to reassemble a prototype,
from which a full replacement may be constructed."

You have a brilliant head.

"Inside these perpetually swimming creatures, travel is yours." Hilarious!

And that whole next section about the banging hands and Morse code. You really are such a poetic genius.

"Send letters, long, short, long, describing being eaten by sharks.
Query editors. Self-publish. Above all, work quickly." Now if you ask me, this is getting pretty sexy. I think you're going all erotica and "domain master" on us. But I'm probably wrong.

Lynn said...

Ha! Love the idea of using the Morse Code in that situation. :)

hedgewitch said...

Somehow I missed this gem yesterday--loving it all the more today--another one of your twisty poems which seems to be all in fun, till you read it and start thinking of being in the belly of the beast all your life, of becoming the beast, or at least making it your instrument. The last line was just superb, and I also really liked "your unassailable new address." That is just killer. (Literally.)Great stuff here, Shay.

Mama Zen said...

You crack me up!