When eaten by sharks, try to stay calm.
If possible, write down the genus and species;
call your old professor if you think she can help.
Don't automatically assume that being eaten by sharks is pure disaster.
Imagine that smug know-it-all relation of yours.
Imagine his face when you greet his latest pronouncement by leaning out from rows of enormous teeth,
waving at him from between shreds of seal,
laughing at him from your unassailable new address.
When eaten by sharks, try to remember which shark took what portion.
By doing this, you may be able to reassemble a prototype,
from which a full replacement may be constructed.
Most of all, try to acclimate yourself as soon as possible.
Inside these perpetually swimming creatures, travel is yours.
If limbs remain usable, hit the inside of the shark's belly with an open hand;
the resulting bass beat will astonish nearby boaters.
"Listen," they will say to each other, "that's Morse code."
Send letters, long, short, long, describing being eaten by sharks.
Query editors. Self-publish. Above all, work quickly.