Have A Chair

Have a chair.
Have a seat.
No, not that one!
Over there,
out in the street.

Let's talk.
Let's chat.
Yes, right here, why not?
In the cross walk.
You down with that?

Never mind the traffic never mind the cursing drivers, never mind your
clueless mansplaining poor fucker of a husband, never mind any of that for now.

Let's diss.
Let's discuss.
You'll feel better, trust me.
Start with this:
Start with us. 

Have another coffee, my treat.
Have a good sharp stick in the eye.
Have at it, girly-Q--
Say it neat.
You know why?

Because, darling,
bitch of the century,
yesterday's news,

I need the chair for somebody else. 

for Quickly. "Chair."


. said…
This is awesome. :)

These are my favorites:

"Let's diss.
Let's discuss."

"Have another coffee, my treat.
Have a good sharp stick in the eye.
Have at it, girly-Q--"

So funny.
hedgewitch said…
Laughed all the way through this, to the perfect last line--and by the way--that cat is hilariously a propos. Yesterday's news is the worst when it tries to hang on and on and on...taking up and wasting precious space, oxygen, and brain cells. Also laughing at the tags. No one does ante-love poems like you either.
De Jackson said…
Ha! Yep. Love this.
Thanks for your generous comments on my wayward princesses. ;)
barbara said…
Neatly conversed.
@Hedgewitch: it's not ante-love, but post-

(also--good cat)
Cloudia said…
Scathing! I like this curt voice.

BTW, sorry about your Tigers yesterday, but thrilling to see Francona and Cleveland make 20 wins. . . .
hedgewitch said…
I don't know who you are Barbara, but I assure you I know the difference between ante- and post. She is trying to clear that chair, you know.
Magaly Guerrero said…
I rarely say this because, let's face it, I'm absolutely full of myself... But seriously, though, I wish I had written the delightful punch you threw at your closing. It's freaking fantastic.

This is the second time you make me laugh like a maniac, today. Thank you for that.
Sherry Blue Sky said…
Fan-freaking-tastic. I so love that you are retired - more fabulous poems for us!
Sioux Roslawski said…
Shay--I love the snarky tone, the tongue-in-cheek (and not anywhere else ;), the last ultimate slam at the end.

I've thought often, 'I'd love to be the object of Shay's love poems.' However, I'd hate to be the object of Shay's slam-'em-upside-the-head-and-shove-'em-out-the-door poems.
Funny, which is more difficult than it sounds.

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