Lil Bruja rides on into Dust Flats, New Mexico on her trusty steed Viejo Loco.
It's been a long slog from the wild gold rush towns where she spent a hard year and a half, on through Gila Valley where she barely escaped old jealous Pecos Charlie and his branding iron in the middle of the night and lit out across the range in pitch darkness.
Now, watching Viejo pick his way around rattlers and tarantulas, with her Stetson low over her eyes and the same bandana around her neck for the last 200 miles, Lil just wants a hot bath and a shot of whiskey.
Finally she hits town, leaves Viejo at the livery stable with a nosebag of hot oats, and pushes through the swinging doors of Texas Jim's Saloon, her spurs jingling with every step and what in blazes does she see but a sign over the bar that says KALE SANDWICHES, ARUGULA QUICHE, MANGO FLAVORED SPRING WATER, WINE COOLERS.
The barkeep has a man-bun and chuckles at Lil when she slaps a silver dollar on the bar, saying, 'Oh my, cash is so over!"
Lil pulls out her Colt Peacemaker, grabs the barkeep by his man-bun with one hand and with the other tucks the cold steel barrel under his chin and growls, "Gimme the veggie burger and a banana smoothie, Hefe," and he does.
__________
for Denise's Six Sentence Story ("range")
Music: Cyndi Lauper & Jewel I Wanna Be A Cowboy's Sweetheart
I so love this. Grinning.
ReplyDeleteThat was unexpected! (I thought she'd be packing venmo) Thanks for the fun story and also that Cyndi Lauper tune, I had no idea that existed.
ReplyDeleteI found it quite by accident. I think I was searching "I'm An Old Cowhand" and found that. It's great, isn't it?
DeleteHeeheehee! Excellent.
ReplyDeleteHilarious. Exactly what most people are tempted to do in similar situations, beautifully undercut by the punchline.
ReplyDeleteI guess cash is back! No sure a banana smoothie is a good substitute for a whiskey! At least old crazy horse is content with his hot oats.
ReplyDeleteThere is something to be said for simple contentment!
DeleteI like the thought of Lil wanting a shot of whiskey and chase it down with a veggie burger and banana smoothie.
ReplyDeleteSee, this is the way things get done, with a Colt Peacemaker and a whole lot of compromising with the menu. After two hundred miles, she's a saint to put up with a veggie burger!
ReplyDeleteI agree!
Deletegotta love a cowgirl great six
ReplyDeleteEstablishing the setting of a Six, like, right out of the gate, we're told, the key to an engaged Reader. How engaged?
ReplyDeleteWe googled-up 'Viejo Loco' before we left the first sentence, simply to avoid missing an enjoyable detail.
(Man bun: jeez someone should convince those so inclined that it's okay to adopt a pony tail, they are not less the rebels if they continue a tried-and-true style for long-hair. Some attempts to go off into the land of outrageous, result in an opposite effect, i.e. Kathrine Hepburn hair. Poor, desperate fashion desperadoes.)
Ain't that a Frontier Six Shooter!
ReplyDeleteLoved the cinematic feel of it, Shay.
And as I am reading at a laptop (instead of a mobile phone) I can see at your sidebar " ...trinkets, mojo, and double mocha latte!" - so fitting ;) ...Colt, Bruja & a veggie burger!
Absolutely brilliant, what a gal!
ReplyDeleteLil Bruja is quite the gal. Don't mess with her or you may be gunning for trouble.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! Just fantastic! When Lil Bruja is hangry, do not piss her off! The man bun alone was a huge offence. Absolutely love this, Shay! I want to hear about her next adventure :-D
ReplyDeleteNow that's one tough, but sophisticated cowpoke!
ReplyDeleteHow fun was that! Loved it, Shay.
ReplyDeleteI wanna know how Crazy Old Man got his name, lol
Witty and faced paced, I like Lil Bruja. Excellent move, her grabbing the man bun.