A Girl's Gotta Do...

Medea is sitting inside Danny's Coffee shop on a Wednesday morning.

A PTA mom is standing at the to-go counter. She is not wearing pyjamas. She is not without perfectly applied make-up. Her blonde hair is not natural,

And looks as if you could reach out and snap a piece off.

She is in the middle of haranguing Denise the waitress about her very particular order. She has been staring unseeingly at Medea while carping in such a grating voice that it

Shorts out half the appliances in the place,

But all at once, a light seems to go on inside her head, even as many of the overheads are going out.

"Oh my god," she says. "You're Medea."



Medea sighs. "And....?"

"Annnnnnnnd," drones the PTA mom, "you killed your kids! Oh my god!"

Medea makes that big-eyed, curl-lipped face, gives her head a little shake, and mimics the mom. "Ohmuhgaw. You kiyerkidz!"

It's true. She did.

You see, Jason scored the Golden Fleece, blah blah, but had to do three tasks,

And so she helped him yolk the fire-breathing cows (a good vet could have cleaned their teeth and fixed that) by giving them this dope she cooked up,

And then helped him plant an army, which was dragon's teeth that turned into...

You really want to hear all this? Okay okay.

...that turned into an army, so she pitched this Pet Rock thing she got at the Dollar Store in among them,

And cos they were a pack of dumbasses anyway, they all went, "whoa, from whence doth this rock appear?" and when nobody materialized to give them the answer, 

They went nuts on each other and defeated themselves.

Jason was all, "Pretty good right? Dja see me do that?" when it was all Medea.

So then some other stuff, bullshit bullshit bullshit, 

And he said he'd take her to Las Vegas and marry her, but he found some chippie named Glaucoma, or Glauca, or Glenda Goodwitch or whatever, who said she was a king's daughter, but

He was only the Used Car King, like that's this big deal, 

But like I was saying, he did Medea wrong after she did all that junk for him and so she had to do something, am I right?

So she offed their kids.

Yeah, I know. But still!

I mean, what was she supposed to do, be all "Jason honey, follow your star!" and hand him over to that little homewrecker? Um, nooOOOooo. I so don't think so.



Plus she kind of killed her brother in law or somebody,

And did this trick where she made an old ram into a young one and it jumped out of the stew (I think she just didn't microwave it long enough, or on half power, or something), and that got these two dim bulb girls to off their parents, but she never touched the parents herself, I swear,

But people are all omg about that, too.



And now the PTA mom is standing there and totally judging.

Honey, if I had roots like that, I'd be googling local salons, but whatever.

So then, after three tries, Denise gets this chick's order just right, like it had to be this certain way or the world was gonna end, and PTA mom takes it all huffy and pays and hits the street.

"What a bitch!" says Denise the waitress.

"I know, right?" agrees Medea.

Then they are laughing,

And the lights come back on

On a Wednesday morning

At Danny's Coffee Shop.

_________