she wears a silver ring.
She moves the stars at her command
with every gesturing.
Night--
deceive me not.
Owl--
be thou my second sight.
If, far from me, my love forgets
her simple sterling band,
may darkness spare a coiling kiss
to strike her where she stands.
_____
for Fireblossom Friday at Real Toads: "Fireblossom Goes Old School"
that opening complex rhyme is thrilling. A gem whole.
ReplyDeleteWishing YOU
a happy weekend, with Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° > <3
Sweet! :) It's like the ring is a talisman! and your poem is the prayer.
ReplyDeleteThis has such a classic feel to it but still retains your razor sharp wit! Love it!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lolamouse. It has an old feeling--a touch of Emily--but is stil pointed.
ReplyDeleteThis is excellent. The form and added rhyme gives it the feel of an incantation - a ward against a careless lover.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the challenge, Shay. I especially liked the way you changed it up in the second stanza - it does amazing things to the rhythm.
I like the 2nd verse as a pause, a slowing of the speed of the incantation, a calling for witness and power. And the punishment for forgetting, all coiled to strike is fearful--but a kiss! Hmm. I would think she'd pretend to forget now and then, just to feel that power.
ReplyDeleteI love your last stanza! And I love black rings. That picture is so cool. Onyx rules.
ReplyDeleteI view the coiling kiss as the serpent/Satan coming after her to drag her down to hell. The kiss of death. Forgetting her love would be like an unforgiveable sin. She may be able to command the sky, but you command the underworld. All of darkness does your bidding. So her heart had better remain faithful to you!
ReplyDeleteI wish to say I love the owl..."be thou my second sight". Lovely.
ReplyDeleteI love it when you use this voice, Shay--and draw on the old school stuff like rhyme and classical language structures. It gives, as others have said, the feeling of winding up a spell, as well as a sense of formality that makes the sentiment stronger. And the imagery is pure Fireblssom. There's a snake in the lass, indeed. Thanks for a great challenge.
ReplyDeletefireblossom goes classic!
ReplyDeletehah! strike her DOWN!
ReplyDeletei love how smoothly this gallops along, and i really like "with every gesturing." nice.
Hot DAMN! This toadally rocks. I love "Owl--be thou my second sight".
ReplyDeletei can hear that being chanted by those groovy chicks in the scottish play
ReplyDeleteWhat an excellent prompt -- and thanks for the reminder of the definition of an iamb. You poem has a wonderful rhythm and feel to it. Sigh -- I don't think can do this one!!
ReplyDeleteSparkling, multi-faceted gem of a poem ~~ so many layers, dimensions to your talent, your poetry.
ReplyDelete(feeling overwhelmed by the challenge but going to attempt the form)
This is beautiful! I love it!
ReplyDeleteYes!!! Shay, I love your one syllable word choices!! I have really been enjoying the way the mid-stanza allows for the poem to slow down...it seems to bring an urgency and immediacy to the tone of the poem, I think.
ReplyDeleteExcellent!! Love: "...spare a coiling kiss..." Thank you for the challenge my friend!! :)
so wonderful, absolutely amazing, well done
ReplyDeleteYou do Old School so beautifully!
ReplyDeleteThe second stanza is a classic break, Shay! Breaks the monotony, brings it a reality pause. Clearly apparent in your verse. Enjoyed it and enjoyed doing it myself. Nicely!
ReplyDeleteHank
Ohh.... the comment under Pope B is so.... funny? Shhh. Don't tell anyone I said that.
ReplyDeleteLove this poem. The strike really got my attention! and the owl phrase is beautiful. Love this form (thank goodness it didn't have to rhyme.
Beautiful! Hmm, I thought you were one who did not like forms, and look at you now! Smiles.
ReplyDeleteThis is lovely, Shay!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorites of yours Shay, love the form...
ReplyDeleteYou wrote to classic form but kept the Fireblossom bite! Love it!
ReplyDeleteA complex, compelling piece. Though you went all old-school on us this week, your poem is refreshing and bitingly mischievous. Love it!
ReplyDeleteThat's beautiful, FB.
ReplyDeleteHa! This is very well done with the form but yikes! It's so sensual and loving and then - beware. Really well done. k.
ReplyDeleteWell done Shay!
ReplyDeleteI love this poem and may give this a try after all :D
I specially like the middle stanza, Night and owl, like twins of second sight ~
ReplyDeleteWell I gave this a try ~
I know you don't love following form, Shay, but when you do, the result is masterful.
ReplyDelete