Sunday, December 11, 2016

Light

Light
as new snow, my words for you
dropped in your coffee, sweet
jesus I can be
bright 
as December sun--

so drink deep. Soft kisses so near after night
mimic closely
what I really felt when we began and I would have
bought and ground your favorite beans
to place 
real heat
before you, holy as an offering.
_____

Art by Jenny Leslie. Posted for Real Toads' "Snow-Birthed Tales."

14 comments:

Kerry O'Connor said...

It would be a very cold heart indeed that did not respond to the offer of warmth.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

No one writes love poems like you do, Shay.

David Scott said...

I'm a sucker for a good closing line. Bullseye.

hedgewitch said...

You bring the commonplace into a bright shimmery focus like the dazzle on diamonds, Shay. This is full of that winter nostalgia for warmth, another mirror for age's nostalgia for love. Beautiful.

Magaly Guerrero said...

Nothing says "I love you" like the perfect cup of coffee... made for someone who wants, by someone who enjoys giving it.

Sioux said...

"Jesus, I can be bright as December sun" is lovely. As usual.

said...

I love the opening. And that you brought coffee into it. (I've told my husband for years that "coffee" is my love language. I think he finally believes I'm being serious.)

Your line breaks are excellent.

Like here: "jesus I can be" ... suggesting that you could be a kind of Savior.

"Bright" on its own line draws out the tucked away "be right," meaning that you could be everything "right" for this person. But also, it makes me think of the expression "right as rain," only here, it's [b]right as ... sun. I like this variation, intentional or not.

"so drink deep" ... You left the end of this sentence hanging so that we would consider an alternative meaning: Not just to take in a lot of the liquid (or you, as it were), but also to drink "deep" (deepness, mental/intellectual/emotional depth). By breaking the line the way you did, you also suggested this: "so drink deep, soft kisses." Maybe even "[i]n-ear after night." I'm picturing the couple being in bed together at dawn, after spending a night together. It's a whole other experience and language, in the morning hours versus the dark hours of night that are more about passion. Morning is for love and deeper emotion, after the darkness has passed.

"what I really felt when we began and I would have" ... This line break suggests that you would have truly begun to exist if the relationship had continued. It's also meant to make it clear that now you would not ... begin, buy the beans, etc.

"bought and ground your favorite beans" ... This line break is meant to suggest "beens" as well. All the people the significan other had been, all the lives, all the selves, all the life stages ... you would have "bought" them ... believed them, believed in them, kept them (close). Here, I think "ground" means that you would have brought a "grounding" ... in the sense that you would have steadied, supported, been something solid under his/her feet. Also, you might have been like a parent, disciplining/"grounding" a wild/wayward/disobedient child ... I think the beloved tends to act out, and you would be a calming presence. That's what I'm trying to say.

The line break after "to place" makes me think you were trying to rank (as in a competition or race), but felt like you didn't. This makes me think of a wife/husband who never feels important enough to her/his spouse. Other things (or people) always come first.

Obviously there's contrast in "real heat," so either the person you're talking to doesn't have or hasn't had genuine passion, and you were offering it. Or maybe you're saying there wasn't real heat between you, so you were going to place/put attaining something real before/above the person you're talking to.

The last line is hot indeed. But still, just a reminder of what you're not offering anymore.

It sounds like a huge apology is in order, whether the relationship is over or not. The sweetness you offered was a treasure, especially if this is about more than romance. I think it could be read in a nurturing way, friendship, parent/child, siblings ... it would be tricky to get around the "real heat" line, but hey, my sister's water heater was out for months once upon a time, and our big brother ended up buying her a new one. So it's possible to make it work in a non-sexual way. ;)

gillena cox said...

I so Luv that opening stanza. The wrap around word technique works well

Much love...

Margaret said...

It has been way to long since I've been to your blog! This is a sweet poem of what could have been. Words that fall from a gentle heart, even though it is walking away. Sigh.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Words aren't enough to express just how beautiful this is!❤️ Really well done, Shay

Kim Russell said...

I so enjoyed this! Words 'light as new snow' and dropped into coffee and that exclamation - yes, we can be 'bright as December sun'! And then that beautifully intimate second stanza - I almost feel as if I'm intruding!

Lynn said...

Sweet and lovely.

Mama Zen said...

This took my breath away.

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Loved this and love you. Mosky