babe, around my heart
a rusty saw tooth of words
both spoken and unspoken
venoms the sugar core--
the magnolia darks to blackthorn.
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a Wayra for Dverse Poetry Form.
note-the berries of the blackthorn (sloe) plant can be eaten, but the seeds are toxic.
This is so good—especially the last two lines and the title.
ReplyDeleteLove the title and your power packed 5 lines. It hits to the core with a venom.
ReplyDeleteYou had me at "a rusty sawtooth of words". I'm just finishing up my poetic saga BLACKTHORNE at 145 episodes. Your wayra is muscular, yet tender; cool.
ReplyDelete(I don't know if you remember, but we met, and clashed over a decade ago over at Magpie Tales. I have felt bad about it all these years. Life is too short and poetry is a panacea. I was an ignorant asshole then. I'm better now.)
A rusty saw tooth of words that venoms the sugar core. Such wonderful imagery.
ReplyDeleteLove "a rusty saw tooth of words." So much packed into these five lines!
ReplyDeleteCarole King, too, is a bonus.
"A rusty saw tooth of words": so cutting, and so Carole King. When it's over, it's over.
ReplyDeletepax,
dora
Vivid proof a metaphor doesn't have to be long to be effective. Wonderful work in such a demanding form.
ReplyDeleteDelightful! What great wording.
ReplyDeleteIt’s interesting how some plants have developed sweet fruit, and bitter (or toxic) seeds, so as to protect the seeds from being chewed - and in turn, digested unsullied, and returned to the earth and fertilised. It shows intelligence isn’t a uniquely human quality.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is somewhat like that, “babe, around my heart” - a sweet enticement, with an instant “rusty saw tooth of words”, to keep the reader from swallowing it whole, without contemplation. You’ve smuggled your toxic seed in. Now, it grows in my brain.
These potent lines are absolutely amazing! From the title to the spoken and unspoken to the note, this is brilliant my friend!
ReplyDeleteI never think of the blackthorn as being bitter though the sloes are. They're a beautiful colour. There's such a lot of unhappiness in this, and bitterness too.
ReplyDeletethat last line is so good and i love the strong metaphor there. from sweet to bitter.
ReplyDeleteThere's a great power in your words to create such vivid imagery and emotion.
ReplyDelete"a rusty sawtooth of words."
ReplyDeleteGorgeous, Fireblossom.
Ooh! The imagery is so potent and biting!
ReplyDeleteAn ominous end for the lovely, pure Magnolia … an amazing five lines, Shay.
ReplyDeleteYes we are all- growing in our forest of words
ReplyDeleteMuch💛love
a rusty saw tooth of words - most excellent. I thought your five barbed poem was sweet and sharp.
ReplyDeleteI love it... and I have a connection to blackthorn at the moment since my sloe-gin is maturing.... should be ready for Christmas
ReplyDelete