She's like girl scouts on acid
With that
Sweet face
Innocent face
She's like love in the House of Mirrors
If she's bent, fool,
You'll bend, too.
Oh, and you want to climb her like a vine
Don't you?
You want to kiss her and fall down the elevator shaft--
Fall down
Fast.
She's like girl scouts on acid
With that sweet face
Innocent face
She's like love in the House of Mirrors
Gone
Without
A trace.
Oh this is just the style of poetry I love!
ReplyDeleteIts lyrical, a little bitter and brusing, but so beautiful. This could make a fantastic start to a song.
Enjoying going through your archives.
ReplyDeleteJ.
xo
..gone without a trace...just perfect!!
ReplyDeleteshould they linger around at times instead of vanishing, shooting, stabbing etc? not always, you know, but just once in a while?
ReplyDeleteas enjoyable and spunky as always.
Girls like her won't be sticking around those who can only think of getting to her, I guess. I agree with Writerwoman, this could work as a song. :) Fun to read.
ReplyDelete- Ravenblack
http://theotherdayplace.blogspot.com
Its the game thats so enticing...and when they know how to play it....and they stumble across a fool (someomnne like me maybe..lol)its all over but the cryin'.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very enigmatic character you have created. You do have a gift for writing about surreally believable people, and breathing life into them, and a back history that is just out of sight.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! The idea of the girl scout on acid certainly paints a picture!
ReplyDeleteyes she is, and yes I did, once some time ago...
ReplyDeleteFantastic poem: "Gone Without A trace." Love the fun house mirror.
ReplyDeleteI like how you begin this with "girl scouts on acid" ... but by the time you repeat it toward the end, we have a completely different understanding of the phrase. It's not the "girl scout" who seems like she's dropping acid; it's the guy who feels as such when he's around her (or when she's on his mind). Nothing makes sense; everything is a hallucination, reality/surreality a blitz-blend (to use Kerry's word).
ReplyDeleteVery effective use of italics and "House of Mirrors" to illustrate your point.
You should write one about how she feels, being acid and all.
rosemarymint.wordpress.com
Is love ever NOT in the House of Mirrors? If so, I haven't managed to find it. I love the italics here--which point to appearances, as well as the mirrors, not being the same as the underlying reality. And the elevator shaft.
ReplyDeleteGuy, Shawna? Au contraire.
ReplyDeleteGirl scout on acid...that is some image ~
ReplyDeleteSorry, Shay. Straight-girl mistake. It won't happen again. ;)
ReplyDeleteWhat threw me was the word "fool." I would never use that word to describe a woman.
rosemarymint.wordpress.com
I used "fool" to go with "You'll" and "too", but you're right, it does sound guy-ish.
ReplyDeleteAs others have said, this piece is positively lyrical. It literally begs to be put to music.
ReplyDeletecute!!!!!
ReplyDeleteVery cool, definitely lyrical, would make a great song. Love the house of mirrors stanza, very neat. Thanks
ReplyDeleteI'm a little creeped out by the use of "girl scout" only because of all the creeps preying on young girls these days... (and a recent too close call with a family that went through this) BUT I do get what you were getting at with the image...
ReplyDeleteNow, House of Mirrors to describe love, (especially teenage "love") is ingenious! I see it and hear about it a lot these days... Will I survive? :)