Thursday, October 6, 2011

Some Fucking Haikus

Hello, students. It is well known that Zen Mistress Fireblossom hates haiku. But "hate" is such a strong word. So, she is going to assume the lotus position, clear her mind, and release all negativity. She will meditate, seek oneness, and refer to herself in the third person. Oh my gosh. Look! Haikus!

pink blossom receives
the hummingbird's eager kiss
gets chlamydia

zen master teaches
each lesson sweet as cherries
but still needs night job

house with paper walls
requires a patient artist
frames keep falling

birds like toyotas
fly quickly over the trees
never slowing down

_____

for dverse form for all, y'all 

40 comments:

hedgewitch said...

One would think you had studdied this form for many years, young Fireblossom. Your wisdom is like an overflowing dumpster which sheds its blowing trashpetals upon the hungry sidewalks. I am humbled.

liv2write2day said...

I burst out laughing. These are absolutely brilliant, Fireblossom. The first one especially. Good for you. You did it, and succeeded.

Lena said...

lol......I've tried about one in my puff and didn't quite get it. I leave it to others. At least they're over with in a tick!

Sara said...

LOL:~) I love it when you decide to kick your funny side. It pops out the greatest laughs, especially as these are Haikus, which are supposed to relax and calm one.

Then again, laughing is one of the healthiest things a person can do AND when you laugh, you are always in the present.

I loved your Haikus:~) If there are any Zen Masters who do not approve, just send that hummingbird their way:~)

Scarlet said...

Ha! You made me LOL!

Love the one about the paper walls.

chromapoesy.com said...

I laughed so hard I clapped (which concerned my dog a bit but she got over it). I'm still laughing - holy cow lady (and Joy's comment is such a hoot) - I'm just fricken thrilled you joined in today!

Morning said...

breath taking imagery.
you write beautiful Haikus.

Fireblossom said...

Gosh, Jingle, er, I meant Morning, think how much you might like them if you actually read them!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Hilarious and just what I needed this very minute. Especially love "birds like toyotas" - I drive one, a blue one (natch!) It runs on air and no money, just like me. Hee hee.

Lolamouse said...

FB,
You're a sharp little tack! ;)

Titanium said...

Fireblossom and Haikus in the same living room? *shudders*

Having read these (unlike Jingle/Morning), I find myself laughing uncontrollably. Hedgewitch's comment really, really puts the icing on the Haiku-Cake, though.

Lolamouse said...

Mouse feeds on Shay's wit
Gulps down the tasty morsels
Chokes on her laughter

Brian Miller said...

well the first one at least qualifies as a fucking haiku...unless flying toyotas are a ephamism for something...

me has awards at me place 4 you haiku warrioress...ok just kidding...

free the bunnies from maltreatment, the glue an glitter really messes up their pelts...

Marion said...

You fucking kill me. I am rolling here. Check this one out by Tom Robbins (not quite haiku):

"In the cave behind the waterfall
the ant king licks the clitoris
of the sleeping anthropologist.---"

~Tom Robbins, From: "Wild Ducks Flying Backward", page 127

Fred said...

Oh, these are great. Love the humor in each. I'm so glad I read these- thanks

eclipsingwinter said...

Oh, I can't stop laughing! I don't think anyone has ever used chlamydia in a haiku before! Incredible fun! Thank you!

*rose* Beth

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Well! I must say that sarcasm becomes you. :) Thanks for the laugh!

chromapoesy.com said...

Came back to laugh again - this time with my husband. When he read my haikus he made odd faces and required definitions, intent, and other lengthy explications. Here he laughed his fanny off (you are the master, we bow to you).

Cloudia said...

you

R

Unique!

Claudia said...

haha - so cool shay...LOVE the toyota birds...

mac said...

These fucking haikus are good.
You write like a seasoned fucking haiku professional.

Helen said...

OK missy ... you should be cutting all of us some slack ... your team just won!

Love these fucking haiku gems .. PS I believe you gave all of us carte blanche to use the f word as much as we wanted to tonight.

HermanTurnip said...

Too. Many. Haikus.

Must. Turn. Away....ahhh!

But, in all honesty, I really enjoyed your "night job" haiku. I think I'll post it in my cubicle tomorrow :-)

Kerry O'Connor said...

Oh what a joy these are first thing on a Friday morning!! Each was a small parcel of wisdom, but my fave is the one about paper walls.. and it'll carry me through the day.

Thank you for always inspiring, even when you're having fun.

Deborah said...

... and yet you're so good at them! :o)

Grace said...

Such a fun haiku set specially the first one..ha.ha...made my day ~

Heaven

Lynn said...

Oh my! :)

Daryl said...

Congrats to your Tigers ..

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

Find a peaceful place
and be okay with the world
Acceptance is key


I think you need to embrace haiku more often. It suits you well.

Geoff M. Pope said...

Smackaru!
I especially like "still needs night job" and "frames keep falling"

Randy Behavior said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
darkangelwrites said...

O.K. the first one made me laugh out loud.

Beachanny said...

You know Shay I came by early yesterday and read these, and wanted to be clever and tell you how fun, funny, and enjoyable these were but I wanted to be clever too. But I wasn't clever, and I wasn't funny. I thought I might get funny today, but sadly my funny has run off with the macabre and left me staring into space. All I am left to say is how honored I am that you produced such amazingly witty poems in a form you eschew. Your one of the best writers I know. Thank you.

Beachanny said...

uhmm. I do know the difference between your and you're - that should have been you're...ugh...sorry!

Steve King said...

The most fun read of all. Well expressed within the general form.

tinkwelborn said...

Ha! These are good. I love em! 3 Wows for you.

I like humor....see my entry for this week ''nonsense haikus''

you've done it...converted me to your site. each week as I'm meandering through crit'ing poems...don't think I've hit you before...BUT, take warning! I'll be back.

Good haikus....thank you.

Mama Zen said...

You've secretly been practicing fucking haiku for years, haven't you?

libithina said...

needs to give up the day job ~ zen master ~ lives ~
Fab collection
Lib

haikulovesongs said...

haiku? really? fucking HAIKU???

i changed the name of my blog so you wouldn't even have to see the word "haiku" and you're WRITING them? {HA!}

LOVE LOVE LOVE these! poor pink blossom! a cousin of yours?

you have changed my idea of haiku forever, Shay! {smile} ♥ d

twinklysparkles said...

These rock out! YES!