Friday, December 28, 2012

Goldilox's Goat

If you're set on killing your kid,
I'm not feeling it, but it's your business.
It might even be a mercy--
he won't have to see your Pinball Eyes across the dinner table anymore;
no more double jackpot bonus for obedience.

Still,
five bucks says you didn't consult your wife about this.
Bloodshed
zealotry,
long flowing beards,
these are the kind of things you get
when women aren't part of the decision making.
Honey, if you have to choose between 
dealing with God
or dealing with maternal fury,
God can collect His own coconuts, that's what I think.

And so now, my text, brother.
Don't fuck with my Goat.
Do you think I believe that shit story about the brambles?
Do you think that I think that he just rocketed on in there
like a meteor into somebody's living room?
Do you really believe in sacrifice by proxy?
Do you really think I won't hurt you if you touch my Goat?

Capricorns are a tricky business.
They mope, they brood, they suspect your motives,
and since your motives blow chunks,  there you have it.
Isn't it handy
how your God ran a quickie shell game 
and swapped kid for Goat, so to speak?
Kill the kid,
no don't, just kidding,
ha ha.
And all the while, you, with your knife raised
as if you were playing whack-a-mole with it.

I once visited the Three Bears. 
I crashed there, they fed me this oatmealy crap.
All I ever heard was, don't mess with the furniture,
this is mine,
that's his,
hands off,
blah-de-la.
It was pretty dysfunctional, but there were no Divine commands,
no infanticide,
no Pinball Eyes turned toward the heavens.

Here's how it's going to be:
I'm gonna take my Goat.
You're gonna chill the fuck out.
I'm gonna cougar your kid at the reading tonight
and make him shout hallelujah.
Problems?
Call 1-800-CAP-GOAT.
Thank you for holding.
Someone will be with you as soon as you pull your head out and put the knife down.
Later, Abe.
Go home to your wife.
Meditate on a new rubric.
Insert quarters, play again.
_______

for Out Of Standard with Izy 

                       

14 comments:

Cloudia said...

So much good stuff here. Important and powerful, even.


Friday Aloha from Honolulu,
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° >
> < } } ( ° >
> < 3 3 3 ( ' >

Mama Zen said...

That's a biblical tale that I've never been able to come to terms with.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

OH! MY! GODDESS! This totally rocks my world!

hedgewitch said...

This takes a sharp hipster turn to the left(of course) of Mount Zion, or wherever that bush was burning. I can see a layer of this that's just literal/spoof, but under that is the sad sad truth, maybe even the dirty lowdown about the shell game that passes for what's right but instead is so wrong. (And as a Capricorn, I personally appreciate the protection.)

Hannah said...

You rocked this on so many levels, Shay. Wow. I love the balance in your tone and the telling...swaying on the pinnacle of truth and humor...um yes, I loved this. :)

myheartslovesongs.com said...

HA! that's tellin' him!!!

loving the video!

NEW BLOG layout!!!

NEW LAPTOP! YAY!!!

Roselie said...

Oh mighty Goat...
I loved the song, her voice is awesome...
It's nice to read your poems again...:)

Kerry O'Connor said...

It was worth the wait! I knew you would have something epic to say about the damn dubstep goat, but this has exceeded my expectations. (I'm sure the good Lord himself would chuckle through the ironies - he being a master of them...) Huzzah! Hallelujah, sister! Let's hear it for the Animal Anti-Cruelty League.


Isadora Gruye said...

you're probably going to hate this, but I keep hearing this piece as read by a present day Leonard Cohen. And that was not your intent, but I mean this as a compliment. I don't know whether to be honored that you have crafted another stellar piece in response to my dub step goat, or to be poem jealous and drown a bow legged child in order to steal your powers :).

I am not going to call out all my favorites because it would be thewhole poem but pin ball eyes deserves a shout out. Merry merry and such! Viva la


jasmine said...

Fan-freaking-tastic.

So I find it interesting that you spelled your title "Goldilox" rather than "Goldilocks." Therefore, I'm researching of course. I'm sure you're aware that "lox" (aside from being salmon) is liquid oxygen. That is quite telling; not only is she a savior, but she is also that which will enable this rescued Capricorn to breathe.

I can't think of another writer who would be creative enough to combine the tale of Goldilocks with the Abraham/Isaac story.

"no more double jackpot bonus for obedience.
Still,"
Because of how these lines hang together, you're saying that being still (on the altar) is a form of obedience.

"And so now, my text, brother." I'm picturing this as a text message, you in the future sending a message to the past---a warning that you're about to time travel and rectify things.

"Do you really think I won't hurt you if you touch my Goat?" I love the way you just made this personal---moved from the Abraham story, a cover-up, to something real, perhaps some Capricorn in your daily life you want to protect at all costs.

"and since your motives blow chunks, there you have it.
Isn't it handy" Ha! I love what you did here. I'm thinking (probably incorrectly) that his motives are purely sexual (of course, this is present day not Abraham/Isaac/goat I'm talking about ... that would be very creepy).

The next part speaks to me of turning a human into an animal---a sacrifice, something with fewer rights and presumably no mental wherewithal to escape or attain a better existence. Enter Goldilox.

I wonder if Stanza 5 might actually be a metaphorical description of the speaker's former home life. Eating oatmealy crap (rather than the liquid oxygen she was made of) and not truly being fed. It was okay, it wasn't unbearable, and no one died. But it wasn't fun either.

I love this part: "I'm gonna take my Goat.
You're gonna chill the fuck out.
I'm gonna cougar your kid at the reading tonight" Cougar as an animal, but also cougar as a woman/lover. I think.

"Thank you for holding." So many possible meanings here. Pausing. Holding your place. Holding your goat. Waiting for the next thing (another animal, perhaps ... hopefully one he won't knife; you're hoping he'll learn something).

And even if this is truly just about the Abraham story, this is completely awesome. I just tend to find a little something extra ... even if I have to make it up. ;)

manicddaily said...

Yikes. Yes. A lot of scary (too real) stuff here. I like to think of women as the protectors and then I think of some of the stuff women have done - I'm thinking of cutting rituals here, a/k/a mutilation/female circumcision - so they/we/us are not immune either.

Crazy world- your poem's crazy aspects a great (and all too appropriate) response. k.

Stacey said...

All of this was great and gripping, but those last three lines were perfect. Like a kick to the balls.

Loved this goat and those pinball eyes. Excellent stuff.

Lolamouse said...

"Bloodshed, zealotry...these are the kind of things you get when women aren't part of the decision making." Speak the truth, sista! The patriarchy has f-ed things up throughout history and continues to do so.
And being a Capricorn, yes, we can be a tricky business, but we're steadfast and loyal, although quite stubborn!

Ostensible Truth said...

this is such a great write! I particularly like the voice and tone - how the satirical co-mingling of the biblical-fairytale (isn't it all the same...) undercurrent interplays with the modern affections. Stanzas 3 and 5 jumped out at me here; the poem-bending "Don't fuck with my Goat" and the domestication of the Three Bears! Great stuff, cheers!