knows nothing, cares not of its birth--
doesn't trouble to ascertain
supposed worth
by assumed burden; inherited gain.
The carelessly met swain
in similarly humble start,
may burn his lightly noted name
upon a heart
caught unawares; but caught is caught the same.
The carelessly loosed mane
makes turnabout the fairest play--
as fire from spark, so bread from grain;
sweet interplay,
these small things rise by flame, quite swept away.
_______
for the Sunday mini challenge at Real Toads. (writing in the style of Dante Gabriel Rossetti.)
Photograph: Helen Slater
once again, you write above my brain's capacity. :)
ReplyDeleteWOW! As perfect as that form can ever get. I am wowed, as is usually the case, when I come in here.
ReplyDeleteWonderfully great use of the form - manages to have its own poetic spark and grain of wisdom, all flowing seamlessly. Terrific. k.
ReplyDeleteyou may try out the style of others, but the power and quirk of ShayShines!
ReplyDeleteWishing YOU a sweet week,
with Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° >
> < 3 3 3 ( ' >
><}}(°> ~
Deep and I love as fire from spark through sweet interplay and ALL the rest...you filled the form with much to ponder, Shay!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I noticed, I wasn't sure if you meant to...I almost did the same and remembered after finishing writing my second stanza that the "a" rhyme word is supposed to repeat in the first line of each stanza. Picky-picky eh?! I just thought I'd mention it ...to be a pain in the a** you ask? No...not me hope you don't mind I mentioned it.
Smiles to you and I enjoy your poem just the way it is!! :)
This is impressive and clever. Just loved it, and a helping of B.H. as well. Great visit.
ReplyDeleteWhat an excellent metaphor for spark-to-flame love/passion.
ReplyDeleteThe beginning of your final stanza is my favorite part.
I also love the way you connected your title to your ending: "sweet interplay." Sugarloaf is also apparently a ski resort in Maine, so that's the setting I envisioned for this couple's meeting and brief fling, enticing one another in equal measure. I really like what you did with the carelessly loosed mane (nice play on words, if you're touching on the ski resort reference) and the boy burning his name on the girl's heart. And then also the use of sugar combined with grain to bake bread---with the right combination of ingredients and heat, something nourishing could come of this. Otherwise, it will burn up or fail to rise.
Oh boy, Shay! That's the first record I ever bought. The 45rpm of Buddy Holly and the Crickets cost $1 when Sherry and I were kids.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you write, Shay, the way you respond to a prompt so perfectly, but apparently casually, like the flame.
"Sweet interplay" indeed!
K
Wow, girl! Kicking some form ass!
ReplyDeleteThis is excellent!
Nothing like playing with fire...
ReplyDeleteVery nicely done. I know that form is not your preference, but you do have a way of working the lines and rhymes.
ReplyDeleteLoved this line:
..caught unawares; but caught is caught the same...
Absolutely wonderful, well done
ReplyDeleteAnother excellent piece, Shay.
ReplyDeleteunder the influence in a good way ... and yet Shea shines through
ReplyDeleteCongrats Shay...
ReplyDeleteI just saw Helen in a movie and was stunned.
I love the idea of caught ;D
and the spark you shared!
That's so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, just beautiful, Shaysie-Waysie.
ReplyDeleteOH...this one was fun to read aloud. There were interesting rhymes in this one as well. I'm not an expert on poetry, but the rhythm was very assertive -- I don't know a better word than that.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I liked this poem very much. I read it about three times aloud and each time I felt like I should be wagging my finger at someone as if giving a lecture.
Are you going to get a new keyboard anytime soon? They're only like $10. :)
ReplyDelete