Sunday, December 2, 2012

Sugar Loaf

The casually lit flame
knows nothing, cares not of its birth--
doesn't trouble to ascertain
supposed worth
by assumed burden; inherited gain.

The carelessly met swain
in similarly humble start,
may burn his lightly noted name
upon a heart
caught unawares; but caught is caught the same.

The carelessly loosed mane
makes turnabout the fairest play--
as fire from spark, so bread from grain;
sweet interplay,
these small things rise by flame, quite swept away.
_______

for the Sunday mini challenge at Real Toads. (writing in the style of Dante Gabriel Rossetti.)

Photograph: Helen Slater 

 

19 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

once again, you write above my brain's capacity. :)

Sherry Blue Sky said...

WOW! As perfect as that form can ever get. I am wowed, as is usually the case, when I come in here.

manicddaily said...

Wonderfully great use of the form - manages to have its own poetic spark and grain of wisdom, all flowing seamlessly. Terrific. k.

Cloudia said...

you may try out the style of others, but the power and quirk of ShayShines!



Wishing YOU a sweet week,
with Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral

~ > < } } ( ° >

> < 3 3 3 ( ' >

><}}(°> ~

Hannah said...

Deep and I love as fire from spark through sweet interplay and ALL the rest...you filled the form with much to ponder, Shay!

One thing I noticed, I wasn't sure if you meant to...I almost did the same and remembered after finishing writing my second stanza that the "a" rhyme word is supposed to repeat in the first line of each stanza. Picky-picky eh?! I just thought I'd mention it ...to be a pain in the a** you ask? No...not me hope you don't mind I mentioned it.

Smiles to you and I enjoy your poem just the way it is!! :)

aprille said...

This is impressive and clever. Just loved it, and a helping of B.H. as well. Great visit.

Shawna said...

What an excellent metaphor for spark-to-flame love/passion.

The beginning of your final stanza is my favorite part.

I also love the way you connected your title to your ending: "sweet interplay." Sugarloaf is also apparently a ski resort in Maine, so that's the setting I envisioned for this couple's meeting and brief fling, enticing one another in equal measure. I really like what you did with the carelessly loosed mane (nice play on words, if you're touching on the ski resort reference) and the boy burning his name on the girl's heart. And then also the use of sugar combined with grain to bake bread---with the right combination of ingredients and heat, something nourishing could come of this. Otherwise, it will burn up or fail to rise.

Kay L. Davies said...

Oh boy, Shay! That's the first record I ever bought. The 45rpm of Buddy Holly and the Crickets cost $1 when Sherry and I were kids.
I love the way you write, Shay, the way you respond to a prompt so perfectly, but apparently casually, like the flame.
"Sweet interplay" indeed!
K

Mama Zen said...

Wow, girl! Kicking some form ass!
This is excellent!

HermanTurnip said...

Nothing like playing with fire...

Kerry O'Connor said...

Very nicely done. I know that form is not your preference, but you do have a way of working the lines and rhymes.
Loved this line:
..caught unawares; but caught is caught the same...

Emma Major said...

Absolutely wonderful, well done

hedgewitch said...

Another excellent piece, Shay.

Daryl said...

under the influence in a good way ... and yet Shea shines through

Ella said...

Congrats Shay...
I just saw Helen in a movie and was stunned.
I love the idea of caught ;D
and the spark you shared!

Lynn said...

That's so beautiful.

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Beautiful, just beautiful, Shaysie-Waysie.

Sara said...

OH...this one was fun to read aloud. There were interesting rhymes in this one as well. I'm not an expert on poetry, but the rhythm was very assertive -- I don't know a better word than that.

Anyway, I liked this poem very much. I read it about three times aloud and each time I felt like I should be wagging my finger at someone as if giving a lecture.

Shawna said...

Are you going to get a new keyboard anytime soon? They're only like $10. :)