I sold her an August night's breeze that had passed across your bare skin,
but I kept the sheets, cerulean blue
and the deeper indigo of your remembered embrace.
The dealer in hearts approached me then,
but I lied, and left alone,
saying you were waiting.
_______
55 lonely teardrops for the G Man.
I like the indigo of a remembered embrace, and the idea of a weather buyer. I have a few things I'd like to sell...
ReplyDeleteThose last two lines--a little (or more than a little) blue, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteThe amount of emotional weight in these 55 perfectly chosen words is amazing, Shay--and beautifully conveyed in the lushest and most lucent of language. The weather I am selling, I just can't find myself a buyer.
ReplyDeletethat 2nd line is brilliant. palpable longing
ReplyDeleteShay, this Marvelously succinct story/poem that you penned here has several shades of Blue. Brilliant and Morose...(sounds like an avant gard Folk duo)
ReplyDeleteLoved this very cool 55
Thanks Baby...You Rock from Temperance to Traverse City.
Have a Kick Ass Week-End
...the breeze, the blueness, the indigo.........the poignancy - incomparably Shay.
ReplyDeleteOh I love lines 2 & 3! The whole poem speaks of love lost in such a unique way - you really have a gift with words (even in your labels, you are creative!)
ReplyDeleteWow, Shay. In 55 words you tell a compelling and poignant story. The photo is really cool too!
ReplyDeleteyou have such a rare gift. in 55 words, you have described something we wouldn't have even thought about - and made it utterly compelling.
ReplyDeleteWhat struck me about this is that I found it believable. I didn't question that such bartering could and would occur. It's an interesting combination of inner-child fantasies and grown-up realities. Very nice, Shay!
ReplyDeleteI love, love, love this! The buying and selling and bartering of these intangable things, we all do that whether we are aware of it or not.
ReplyDeleteThis is so atmospheric!
ReplyDeleteOhhh - I don't like to think of you and teardrops, FB.
ReplyDeleteThis is an incredible piece of writing, Shay. I love this.
ReplyDeleteThis is unique and brilliant.
ReplyDeleteNice. Beautiful imagery, choice of words and the flow of it. :-)
ReplyDelete-HA
god i wish i could write like you do! more than that... i wish i could think like you do! oh, what the fuck, i'll admit it... i wish i WAS you!
ReplyDelete{i'm not jealous. hell, no!}
oh, and "magic haiku-deflecting scarf"??? humphh! Catblossom does NOT hate haiku ~ she told me herself... well, okay haiku but she likes senryu.
ReplyDeleteCould 55 words be more perfect? No.
ReplyDelete