Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Advice for selecting a useful male

Tell me, how is a lady to make her way in this world?
A world where men insist on paving anything they can't cleave with a power saw?
I'm telling you,
they don't care about your stylish hat.
They don't care if you can recite Amy Lowell from memory.
They are consumed with laying asphalt, tracks, odds, and yes--
pipe. Especially that.

Why do you think our shoes are designed to inhibit running?
Why do you think we are taught as little girls not to scream at the top of our lungs when, in fact,
that is precisely the thing to do?
Why are our pockets stitched too small to hold a simple Bowie knife?

Honey, let's sit out on the veranda and talk.
Pepper spray isn't going be enough anymore.
Neither is that useless MBA,
and if you think old fashioned charm is enough, then I don't even know what to say.

Listen,
keep wearing the hat.
Keep brushing up on the Lowell poems, especially the one that says
"Fate lays many springes for those with imagination".
Most importantly, bring the lion.
Properly trained,
he will still be lazy, but his mere presence is usually enough
to make the average idiot drop his projects
and treat you with the cowed amazement that a lady deserves.
______

image: The Guardian" by Alin Suciu

16 comments:

Marcoantonio Arellano said...

Wow!

hedgewitch said...

Love this, Shay. Especially the very practical tone contrasted with the rather surreal imagery, the shoes, and the lion. Good advice, I'm thinking.

Mama Zen said...

Oh, how I love this!

TexWisGirl said...

loved it. :)

Grandmother (Mary) said...

My BFF, Annee, said to me the other day: Is there anything Italians (men) don't love to pave? Now you ask the same thing in your elegant way but in her conversational tone. Verse two is too true and I love the good advice in last verse. Hats, poetry and lions- yeah!

grapeling said...

men always be lyin. lyin around, lyin about - most everything. 'cept layin pipe. they ain't lyin about that. we, I s'pose i'm caught in that same trap by virtue. virtue of. virtue of. what's virtue, again?

Sioux said...

Great advice for women. Perhaps this should be made into a bronze sign for young girls to memorize?

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Laughing at grapeling's comment.......I am all about lions!!!!! Should have lived with one from the beginning and saved myself a lot of bother.

Lynn said...

Ha! Love this.

HermanTurnip said...

Having a feline companion is certainly one way to even the odds. Awesome post!

Kathryn said...

The imagery and message in this piece are fantastic.

Cloudia said...

Deserved. Yeah!

Daryl said...

love love love the meter (is that the right term?) of this poem

Sara said...

Great take on that picture:~)

I loved this line:"Why are our pockets stitched too small to hold a simple Bowie knife?" LOL

You do have such a voice in your writing!

Joanne said...

Brilliant, Shay! The lion bit reminded me of my Strength Tarot card, which depicts a Lady with the power to calm the lion's ferocity and make him her pet. And not by batting her eyes. In the old Renaissance-era cards, she's actually holding the lion's jaws. :)

myinnerchick.com said...

**Honey, let's sit out on the veranda and talk.
Pepper spray isn't going be enough anymore.
Neither is that useless MBA,
and if you think old fashioned charm is enough, then I don't even know what to say.**

Have I told you lately that I'm in love?!

Your words excite me!

thank you.