Wednesday, February 5, 2014

The Coffee Within The Cream. ( Or Something. )

The Succubus sits at her favorite booth in the corner,
smoking and reading her horoscope.

"Hey. Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm." It's Chloe, the serial killer and resident sweetheart of Danny's Coffee Shop. "What's it say? 'Do your fucking roots already'?"

Behind Chloe, there are tally marks on the wall. 15 cheerleaders, 27 golfers, 11 assorted shitheads. 1 pop star. 1 criminal court judge. 2 morning people.

The Succubus reads her horoscope aloud. "Follow your dreams." Chloe snorts. Everyone knows that the Succubus follows other people's dreams and enters them. That she has incredible sex with them. That she steals their souls. Yadda yadda.

"I was in HER dream last night."

"HER?"

"You know. HER."

"Well Jesus H. Christ in a strapless gown," says Chloe. "Did you steal her soul???"

The Succubus looks over her dark glasses at Chloe as if the girl were simple-minded. "Uh, noOOOooo. Think about it."

Chloe has white dust from a sugar donut on her lips. She stops chewing. "Oh. Right. So, what was she dreaming about?"

"She dreamed she was on a bus, but it was more like a train. She had on boots and an expensive coat and a big hat, but no top, and the coat was open."

Chloe laughs. "That chick is coo coo. What else?"

"Well, she wanted to get off the bus at the National Shrine of the Little Flower, but the driver said the bus was a Limited and she couldn't."

God the waitress looks over. She's been eavesdropping. It isn't easy, staying omniscient. "Good for her. I hope she kicked him in the shins."

Two heads swivel over to stare at God. "Or somewhere!" chirps Chloe.

Just then, the Queen of the Vampires comes strutting in, in black panther form, with the Speaker of the House dangling from her jaws. 

"Ohmugaw, " says the Succubus. She looks at Chloe and adds, "Do you remember when our little kitty started out with birds and mice? All grown up now. " The Succubus sighs. "What's a demoness from the underworld to do?"

The Queen of the Vampires leaps up into a booth, dropping John Boehner so that she can rip the bejabbers out of the seat with her fearsome claws, to make herself comfy. "What are you two simps discussing? Oh, wait a minute. WHO are you discussing?"

(*cricket cricket*)

The QOTV is just about to sink her fangs into the Representative from Ohio, when she looks up. "Spill!"

"Um, we were discussing you, darling, but...not."

"Huh?"

The Succubus goes back to her Life section. "One day all of these mysteries will make sense to you. For now, child, eat your snack." 

Chloe snorts again. "She's so cute when she's confused." 

"Girls." It is the warning voice of God. 

"We're just fucking with her," complains Chloe. Instantly, she is surrounded by a hundred perky cheerleaders, waving pom poms. "Okay! I'll stop!" The cheerleaders vanish as quickly as they came. God smirks and goes back to working on her chalk menu board.

"One day you'll know your destiny, padewan," says the Succubus. "Your true identity." Then, lowering her voice as deep as she can, she adds, "Kitty...I am your faaaatherrrr." When she laughs it is surprisingly light and girlish. For a demoness. 

Just then, the little bell above the door jingles, and someone walks in. She's wearing jeans and boots and is complaining under her breath about having to drive a clown car. She is met with a loud chorus of whoops and wolf whistles from the Danny's girls. She pretends not to notice. Walking up to the to-go counter, she asks, "Who does a girl have to fuck around here to get some coffee?"

 * * *

Her eyes open, and she groans. Morning. For some reason, she wants coffee even more than usual. She has a weird urge to go to the National Shrine of the Little Flower today. She wonders what the bus schedule is like. Then, for no reason she can name, she puts her hand to her chest and feels the usual tee shirt. "Weird," she mumbles, getting out of bed. Let's see...coffee, chocolate chip oatmeal.....let Bosco out...then write something for the blog. Maybe a Danny's Coffee Shop thing. Or maybe some soppy love poem. "O Dark-Haired Chick," she begins, in her head. Um...what rhymes? schtick, trick, dick...no, that's not working out. Go with Dannys. Okay, um....

The Succubus sits at her favorite booth in the corner,
smoking and reading her horoscope....

______

for Real Toads "Find Your Creative Space".

I really did have the dream described above, about the bus, and Shrine, and my distinctive and stylish mode of costume, last night. I'm ready for my close-up now, Mr. DeMille.

Learn about the fascinating history of the Shrine of the Little Flower, HERE.

“First sign of madness, talking to your own head.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 


   

48 comments:

Sioux said...

Maybe the "madness" is due to too much time off work?

Fireblossom said...

Give it a rest, Sioux.

Sam Edge Author said...

So Danny's Cafe is your creative space? Compelling characters.

Fireblossom said...

Sam, are you a Danny's virgin? First cup is always free!

Sioux said...

I neglected to say I loved the story. It gave me my first (and second and third) chuckle of the day.

K9friend said...

You definitely dream in Technicolor. Awesome!

Pat
Critter Alley

Fireblossom said...

Of course, pets are welcome at Danny's!

TexWisGirl said...

your mind is always in overdrive - even as you snooze.

Kerry O'Connor said...

It isn't easy, staying omniscient. (Just have to say first off how that cracked me up)
:D
I should have known Danny's Coffee Shop was your creative space - but I was so thrilled to see an episode spawned from one of my prompts! (Wow! I get a DCS poem? Yippee!)

My dreams scare me sometimes and I wake up thinking I might be in need of professional help... or at least wanting to know how such ideas got there. At least you know who's fucking with your head.
:)
Thanks FB.

Fireblossom said...

It is. I used to drink just to slow it down. Now I just let it off the leash and watch what it does. ;-)

Fireblossom said...

LOL yes that Succubus, up to her mischief. Did you notice your two postcards in the picture?

hedgewitch said...

This had me rolling, cracking ribs, *and* pulling sections of hair out. (The left side of the part is getting really thin.) I LOVE the first appearance at Danny's of the Speaker of the House. I so hope he wasn't in your actual dream--you have enough mental scars. That would be my favorite part, besides the Morning People on Chloe's list, except that the last section just reminds me so much of you that it has to be that instead.

I also love that you stuck that bottom pic up--if I'd known, I would have taken a new one for my own identical (and totally coincidental) shot, with Word Garden on prominent display.

Lynn said...

I love that the Queen of the Vampires had the Speaker dangling from her jaws!

grapeling said...

I'm miffed that QOTV hadn't already gutted Herr Speaker, myself. Maybe she was concerned about getting that tanning chemical all over? ~

Robert Bourne said...

at least the first cup is free... if you can't unleash your mind in a dream where can you release it.... that's how mysteries are solved...

Fireblossom said...

Mr. Speaker got away this time, but I have a feeling she's only toying with him.

I'm glad you liked the pic. Your blog looks totally cool on the big screen!

Fireblossom said...

He made a narrow escape, Lynn. Saved by gossip!

Fireblossom said...

That may well have been true, grapeling. Cats are so fastidious. But he *is* a golfer, so maybe Chloe will get him!

Fireblossom said...

Robert, come over and sit with Sam. :-)

Mama Zen said...

A Danny's post! Girl, this made my entire day.

Fireblossom said...

Cool. And your coffee is *always* free, MZ.

Sara said...

It's been awhile since the QOTV series has appeared...or at least if it been there recently I missed it and I HAVE MISSED It. This made me laugh all through it. I love these characters. I loved the line about kicking, "Or somewhere!" chirps Chloe." I really like Chloe:~)

It's also fun to see your comments. I really do like the new avatar.

Also. Thanks for the visit. Your comment at my recent post was udderly amazing. I cud not stop laughing:~)

Helen said...

Mr. DeMille called ... he is ready for your close-up! Another amazing Shay and you could sell tickets at Danny's Coffee Shop.

(just bought your new book, taking it to Los Angeles with me ~ one week away from Bend and winter)

Fireblossom said...

Yes, it has been too long since the Danny's girls made an appearance. Chloe is glad to hear she has a devoted fan, and she, in turn, loves reading about alien-abducted cows at your blog! Such stuff moo-ves her.

Thanks about my new av!

Fireblossom said...

oOoo, my book gets to go on vacation! I hope you'll enjoy it, Helen, and thanks for buying a copy!

Say "hi" to Mr. DeMille for me, and have a wonderful time!

Mark Kerstetter said...

So they're serving coffee at this coffee shop, then? Just glad I'm not a cheerleader, golfer, pop star, criminal court judge, morning person -Oh, wait.

Lolamouse said...

Oh to be a visitor to Danny's! Some day, some day. I must say that I'm glad the QOTV has moved to bigger prey than mice!

Fireblossom said...

Better steer clear of Chloe then, Mark! Or just make sure she gets her coffee first.

Fireblossom said...

You WERE a visitor to Danny's once. How soon they forget...

Hannah said...

I just started a dream book this week and last night determined to start recording my dreams...dream work is totally intriguing.

HermanTurnip said...

Can I get a reservation at this diner? Would love to listen in to more of these conversations. Great post! It's been a long time since we last heard from the QOTV.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Well, it's just not fair you can write the way you do AND get such fantastic material from your dreams. But I must say, I enjoyed this with the biggest grin on my face..........yes, I had been missing Danny's Coffee Shop, too.

Kay L. Davies said...

One more Danny's fan here, glad to see you introduced the place to Sam and Robert. I'm gladly paying for my coffees now.
K

Susie Clevenger said...

I love your unleashed mine...It is after one in the morning and I am wanting coffee. :)

Shadow said...

what a dream!!! gotta make a plan to get to Danny's for a coffee and meet all these delights...

Robyn Greenhouse said...

Hope you keep pen and paper on your nightstand! I'd be so excited to fall asleep at night waiting to see what was coming that I'd probably be up all night!

Daryl said...

more, please ....

Fireblossom said...

I agree. I have kept dream journals before, but now i just write poems around the most interesting ones!

Fireblossom said...

She's been in France, Herman, learning to growl in French.

Fireblossom said...

I was annoyed that that bus driver wouldn't let me off. It was snowing and I was thinking, man, I'm going to have to backtrack through all this!

Fireblossom said...

Kay, don't forget that Lindy is always welcome, too!

Fireblossom said...

My mine? Gold, I hope?

Fireblossom said...

C'mon, Shads. Danny's is a sober space!

Fireblossom said...

I actually get annoyed if I don't have a good dream for a while.

Fireblossom said...

There will be more, Daryl. :-)

Margaret said...

You and Hedgewitch - even when you close your eyes you are creative. I am OUT and can't' remember the last dream I had… (maybe I should cut back on the wine … :) You have quite the cast of characters inside that head of yours.

I'm quite familiar with St. Therese - a little flower in God's garden. She said her true mission would occur after her death, that she would spend eternity doing good things here on earth. Whenever I smell roses, I think of her. :) I actually have a rose petal that supposedly was touched to a relic of hers. I have her book "Story of a Soul" but can't remember reading it specifically. I just spent 30 minutes on the internet remembering her story - its been years. Here is a 9 minute video - I can't imagine living like she did, but it was a different time. (I always loved her hair) And i find interesting - I have a small "Child Jesus" statue in my house. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcPusqQWGjY

Margaret said...

I also really adore "Song of Bernadette" .. that is my favorite Saint story…

blueoran said...

So what's the Blue Plate Special today? I'll pass on the Boehner Burger. And Chloe -- I stayed up last night, late. prolly past 9 p.m. Not that I'm your cup of tea, um, coffee. Most writer have tweak up the volume when they start writing, but it seems you wake with it cranked past 10.