Thursday, October 30, 2014

Fire Blossom

flame from friction--
i'm the backdraft baby from the oven mother.

she kept painting herself pot belly black--
i was born pink as a sea shell,
but the contact left me red--

red haired,
red tempered,
a real red headed stepchild struck sharply in the dark.

little marvel that you, dear later love, followed my smoky scent,
and, talons artfully crossed behind your back, declared me bright.

mommyless me,
furious turning-to-ashes me,
set your creative curses in my ear like diamonds,
and said, ah, my head is become a jewel.

like every pigeon of a huckster/devil/killer,
i thought it all came from you.

i was a bird looking with one eye through my heat-cracked varnish,
and oh how i sang for what i saw.

now i'm older,
my ledge is full of bones.
it looks like dance when i move around up here.

what i finally learned,
after loving you,
leaving you,
figuring you out,

is that the darkness in you that looked like home to me,
was just the product of my own burn.
i'm the light, motherfucker,
and you are only

sweeping, filling, blinding for a pitchman's moment--
and then gone, not even dark,
just non-existent like you were before i ever lit up your smile.

 for Susie's challenge at Real Toads


Cloudia said...

Mommy-less Me too!

ALOHA from Honolulu
=^..^= . <3

Susan said...

Yes! Independence is not only declared but known right back to the oven of birth. How beautiful is the fire bud and now the blossom!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

"I was a bird with one eye...." and "the darkness in you that looked like home to me." Wowzers! This poem packs a punch and I just dont know how you come up with the images and lines that you do. I am only grateful that you do, and that I get to read them.

cosmos cami said...

I think you summoned a phoenix, instead of a nightengale.

I feel like your poems are a volcanic crater that I'm happy to fall into. There is always depth and hidden caverns to explore.

Susie Clevenger said...

I am not sure wow suffices, but I am saying it anyway. It hits from the first line. "i was a bird looking with one eye through my heat-cracked varnish,
and oh how i sang for what i saw." I love that line. We live. We learn. We come out stronger! Thanks so much for taking part in the challenge!

hedgewitch said...

So many images in this that steam and burn--I could quote it all back to you but I will limit myself to just this one superb tercet:

' i'm older,
my ledge is full of bones.
it looks like dance when i move around up here..'

This really brought a bird-image to me so vividly--just excellent stuff, Shay.

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Ooh, FireMama this is one eloquent Fuck Off write.

"i'm the light, motherfucker,
and you are just


Zingo! Happy Halloween

ellen abbott said...

you are the fucking light.

Grandmother (Mary) said...

Oh yeah! It's you.

Kerry O'Connor said...

i was a bird looking with one eye through my heat-cracked varnish,
and oh how i sang for what i saw.

These lines really grab the reader by the throat.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Shay. This is poignant and painful to read. The ending stirred me toward the beginnings of tears. What a deep sorrow to follow a girl through life, that of longing for the love of her mother and always feeling not quite good enough to earn it. At least this one learned to rise above it, as a re(a)d bird. I LOVE that you made yourself a phoenix: "furious turning-to-ashes me"

I'm especially drawn to the opening five lines and "just the product of my own burn."

Daryl said...

stand too close .. you for sure gonna get burned

grapeling said...

whoosh ~

Margaret said...

I'm not so sure that once we are grown we "yearn" for a parent's love still - I think it's just a void we know is there. Until we say it's "OK" we might try and find a replacement - might not even be able to HAVE a true relationship until that BS is faced - and put in the past for good. Somehow - surviving a parent that fosters insecurities, that rubs us always the wrong way - either destroys us or makes us stronger … i.e.. "flame". That's what I got form that first, amazing stanza.

I read a lot into these words … not sure if they are what you meant to convey - but I know I connected.

Mama Zen said...

The last two stanzas . . . oh, holy wow.

my heart's love songs said...

FABulous! especially love the final verse! (do you HAVE to be so fucking brilliant?)(of course you do)(damn it!)
i'd never heard this song~like it alot. and your labels are a riot... "led down the socio path" Ha!

how's the Skittlebomber?