Dog Antony's Funeral Oration

Purebreds, mixed breeds, neighborhood mutts, cock me your ears;
I come to bury the Green Tennis Ball, not to praise it.
The no-no's that toys do live after them,
the good is oft interred with their squeakers;
so let it be with Green Tennis Ball. The noble Bowser
hath told you Green Tennis Ball was bouncy;
if it were so, it was a grievous fault,
and grievously hath Green Tennis Ball answer'd it.
Here, under drool of Bowser and the rest,--
for Bowser is a good doggy;
so are they all, all good doggies,--
come I to speak at Green Tennis Ball's funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and fun to me:
but Bowser says he was bouncy;
and Bowser is a good doggy.
He hath brought many slobbers back to the dog house,
whose fetchings did the general toy box fill:
did this in Green Tennis Ball seem bouncy?
When that the poor doggies have cried, Green Tennis Ball hath dripp'd;
bounciness should be made of sterner stuff:
yet Bowser says he was bouncy;
and Bowser is a good doggy.
You all did see that on the master's front lawn
I thrice dropped at his feet the tennis ball,
which he did thrice refuse; was this bouncy?
Yet Bowser says it was bouncy;
and, sure, he is a good doggy.
I bark not to disprove what Bowser spoke,
but here I am to bark what I do know.
You all did love it once, not without cause:
what cause withholds you then to howl for it?
O judgement, thou art fled to brutish beasts,
and dogs have lost their obedience. Bear with me;
my heart is in the shoe box there with Green Tennis Ball,
and I must lay my head on my paws til it bounceth back to me.
______

(human translation)

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them,
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus
Hath told you Caesar was ambitious;
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Caesar answer'd it.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest,--
For Brutus is an honorable man;
So are they all, all honorable men,--
Come I to speak in Caesar's funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honorable man.
He hath brought many captives home to Rome,
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:
Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?
When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept;
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honorable man.
You all did see that on the Lupercal
I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And, sure, he is an honorable man.
I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then to mourn for him?
O judgment, thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,
And I must pause till it come back to me.
_____

for Kerry Says at Real Toads: If Only TheyCould Talk.

And, Lord Buckley's fabulous hipster version: