not cradled by the briar thorn
and grow with sun and time that passes
not bitter like blackstrap molasses--
Astrid from the fire came
veiled and silent, sharp as cane
she makes you want her without trying
cloaked in all that's dank and dying,
Yet seeming skinned with fire's ember
red as rot in late September--
kiss her, call her, blister sweetly;
give yourself to her completely--
Astrid by the stone fence waiting
phosphor-bright and emanating
promise made that only passes--
Astrid gone to ache and ashes.
_______
Incidentally, this is my 2,000th post at Word Garden.
#1
ReplyDeletehi fire
touching poetry
well written
Flawless work with rhyme. You do that so well.
ReplyDeleteThis is just stunning use of rhyme and meter, Shay. Rhyme is a tool so often used as a crutch, but for you, never--and here is adds that strong sense of an incantation, a spell being wound up--blister sweetly, indeed--which gives it a flavor out of the misty, mythy, witchy past. '..phosphor-bright and emanating' is also genius. The last line leaves an acquired taste on the palette--bittersweet as loving lost.
ReplyDeleteOh this is a delicious piece! I adore how it sounds read out loud.
ReplyDeleteMany many congratulations. Very cool rhyme-- agree with hedge re phosphor bright and emanating line-- but rhymes are all unusual and telling-- and wonderful close. K.
ReplyDeleteHow I wish Astrid was touchable, as in someone who does not consume in her attractively fierce loving. She reminds me of someone I used to be.
ReplyDeletePerfect rhyming!
ReplyDeleteFinished the first stanza and NEW the poem had to be read aloud. Seriously, a fantastic celebration for post 2000. Wow - I can't imagine how long it would take me to write something like this... I HOPE you agonized for a few hours finding just the right sounds. But somehow I doubt it.
ReplyDelete2000 incredible, brilliant, original, and awe-inspiring poems. Not a bad showing, my friend. So well done and as always I feel so lucky to be reading every single one. And this one as wonderful as all the others. Beautiful rhythm and rhyme in this one and I especially love the last line.
ReplyDeleteWow. Sometimes I think rhyme is a mask for bad poetry, but not the way you do it. Just how DO you do it? Nobody writes like you do.
ReplyDeletethe power that you can weave into rhyming words is purely amazing.
ReplyDeleteWhat a way to ring in your 2000th post!
ReplyDelete