"Here I am back home again
I'm here to rest
All they ask is where I've been
knowing I've been west " --Tim Hardin
One wrong move away from a coffin, I came back
glissading hell-for-breakfast down a ribbon road called Interstice 95.
I am become a Gypsy, I said.
I am become a radio, broadcasting myself at some higher frequency.
I am a skull singing starlings out into the Void.
This is our tree, stay the fuck off it we say
with our
pugnacious
puny
little
beaks.
Sometimes dead is better, someone said.
All I want is my Hudson Bay blanket.
All I want is a mother, not my mother, but one like the ones in storybooks,
and not Grimm's.
All I want is some chocolate, and a Secret Garden to sit in.
There should be a glider.
I could cry there and let the salt make me a sailor.
I want to be kissed in a way I have not been kissed in years.
I want to be anesthetized.
I want to feel good, reconfigured without the anchors and anvils.
I want to ask Jesus some things.
Pah.
I would like to thank the cosmic shillelagh that thumped me here.
I would like to be stitched up and sent home with a note explaining
me to myself.
None of that is in the works, and a carny appears and loads me into a clock
as if I were boarding the Kingda Ka at Six Flags back in Texas, USA.
"You little feral Pick-Me Girl," says the carny,
serving up big happy helpings of easy scorn.
"Enjoy the ride!" he says, showing his teeth in a billboard grin.
FWOOMP!
My dog is glad to see me.
There is lazy winter light in the window
and someone has left a casserole on the doorstep.
I am tempted to call someone but who? God?
She's a right canny doozy,
but my monkey body remembers warm flesh like rolls from the oven
and I don't think I can get up.
My heart is smashed
and the junk drawer offers no Gorilla Glue,
no note that can penetrate when hope goes deaf.
I sit and stutter and start to tell the dog
all about this strange accident, this whole misadventure escapade
and, as it gets dark,
what I think it means.
__________