The lead singer for the Violent Gingerbread Assassins reports for his autopsy.
Electric bone saw in hand, the medical examiner for Los Angeles County tips up his protective face shield and speaks:
"Mr. ..."
"Lo Bo To Me," says the rock star. The medical examiner seems confused, so he adds, "I used to be George Binker, but changed it to Lo Bo To Me back in '97. You can call me Lo."
They then spend several minutes discussing the fact that the rock star isn't yet dead, to which he points out that VGA's radio exposure is down to almost nil, and years of various drugs, questionable sexual practices and a love of In-N-Out Burger has him as good as, so why procrastinate?
They begin.
"How did you get this scar just here, on your shoulder?" The medical examiner touches it with his finger as if summoning an elevator from inside the rock star's body.
"A groupie with a hatchet freaked out and thought I was a ghost trying to suck out her soul through a twisty straw. She thought my strawberry shake was the essence of a previous victim, her stupid friend Pamela. So she tried to off me, but only cut me a little. I threw the shake in her face and then she thought she was an ice sculpture. She was catatonic for ten years after that, and when she woke up she screamed 'Where is that bastard?' and then fell over on the floor. A roadie told me all that. I guess he married her or something."
The medical examiner suggests that the autopsy be postponed. George Binker a.k.a. Lo Bo To Me responds with a non sequitur, asking the M.E. if he's ever heard VGA's song "Clogged Synapse Fantasia."
"It changed my life," he admits sheepishly.
"A fan! I knew it! Hey doc, what's that thing?"
"Why, a twisty straw, of course. I use it in my work."
The singer for the Violent Gingerbread Assassins sings:
Later that day, reports of the passing of Lo Bo To Me, lead singer for the Violent Gingerbread Assassins, dubbed "Lo, the Noble Savage" in an old Rolling Stone article, spread across social media. Fans hold candlelight vigils and sales of their songs on digital platforms exceed all previous markers. The medical examiner for Los Angeles County holds a press conference, expressing, between sips of a strawberry milkshake, the exact circumstances of the singer's death. "The main cause was tooth decay, exacerbated by poor posture."
Why would he lie?
______
A (sort of) Edson-ish prose poem for Word List #8 (Russell Edson).
Batshit crazy. I feel like I’ve been on a drug binge. Somebody strap me
ReplyDeletedown and tell me this is real life. You’re mad genius, Shay.
Nice, nice, Shay, I enjoyed reading this, may read it again.
ReplyDeleteI loved the day of the groupies. I've used my nine lives so I kept on the good side of them. Many of them migrated into being MEs using fake credentials. Moral of this story is to walk tall and keep brushing those teeth.
Thanks too, for the prompt words. Great!!
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I will never think of a stawberry shake the same, but I will have what you are having cause this stuff is absolutely brilliant Shay! I don't know how you do it; create a scenerio that dreams could not conjur up! Tooth decay and poor posture!!! Well part of it is all those milk shakes! Love this Shay!!
ReplyDeleteThis does have the sort of wry mix that Edson seems to work with(in my very limited reading of him yesterday) but far more, it shows how you have incorporated that in your own style and totally made its new shape your own. I remember many of your old poems from the Danny's Coffee Shop days read like this, have characters like this, and were similarly hilarious, scathing and sad, all at once. The deluded and drugged musician who is still somehow disarming, the opportunistic ME, the elevator inside the body, the cause of death, all of it I just love. I've read it three times now and laughed out loud each time, even while I'm bemoaning the cynicism that makes me. You made my morning with this one, Shay.
ReplyDeletethis is excellent prose poetry shay, loved every word of it, especially the ending, tying off your loose threads, flexy straws and milkshakes. kind of reminded me of the last book of the hitch hikers guide to the galaxy, the mega rockband that spends a whole year dead for tax purposed... this had a very douglas adams feel to it, my kind of stuff!
ReplyDeleteMacabre and entertaining indeed. I think Edson would approve.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's why the dude was a rock star! Just exquisite to read, Shay, honestly. I want it all to be true. I love the whole tale of the twisty straw, the way the doctor touches the scar on his shoulder as if summoning an elevator, the band name (The Violent Gingerbread Assassins!!! Adore <3), it is all touched by genius. I love reading you, truly <3
ReplyDelete