The Queen Of The Zombies

The Queen of the Zombies experiences difficulty with her love life.

Oh, guys call,

There is a date or two,

But then,

She eats their brains.

She can't help herself.

Guys' brains do not have the most wonderful flavor--

They taste like

Oily rags from service stations,

Or

Football players' cleated shoes.

Still,

She is the Queen of the Zombies,

And so,

She must do what she must do.

However, it isn't as if she doesn't try.

With Manuel, she held off and held off;

She held his hand.

She listened to him talk about his job, and his interests.

She wore her nicest clothes, and tried to do something about her complexion,

But then one night,

He said, "Why do you walk like that? You sort of...shamble. I can't be walkin' down the boulevard with no woman that shambles."

She ate his brain.

Then she meets Carla.

Well why not?

Why not try a woman?

And so the Queen of the Zombies starts seeing Carla.

She goes from feeling half dead to feeling regal.

"See? I knew you had it in you all the time," says Carla with a smile.

But there is a problem.

Carla's family does not understand.

"How can you date a zombie?" they ask, worry lines deepening beyond the reach of botox.

"How can you date a woman?" they ask, nearly ill with horror.

"How can you date someone who isn't from around here?" they demand, turning their backs once and for all.

The Queen of the Zombies shows up to meet Carla, as usual, at seven o'clock at Pepe's.

Carla does not come,

Though the Zombie Queen waits and waits.

Some guy driving an Escalade with stupid-looking spinning hubcaps tries to pick her up.

She eats his brain, but takes no pleasure in it.

"I'm the Queen

I'm the Queen

I'm the Queen

Of nothing," sings the Queen of the Zombies to herself, as if she were a Muppet.

Have you ever seen a zombie cry?

Breaking somebody's heart,

Even if she is a zombie,

Is not a very fine thing to do.

Anyone who had a heart--

Anyone with half a brain--

Can tell you that.

_________