Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Congratulations

Etiquette note: one congratulates the groom, and wishes the bride good luck. To congratulate the bride implies that she was lucky to snag a man at all, and saying this could be construed as snarky. Miss Fireblossom deplores snarkiness.

Congratulations!

Oh honey, congratulations

On the success of your

Machiavellian machinations.

(I'm so glad

So awfully glad

I didn't say that out loud.)



And really,

I just know you'll both be

So happy,

So happy...

He looks dashing,

And you look smashing,

If just a little

Only a little

Trailer trashy...



And I just want you to know

That I wish you

I wish you both

Would just fall down on the polished floor and choke

Til death do you part.

Thank you for letting me be a part

Of your special day!

Do you know what I wish?

Oh, I wish you would both fall head-first down the stairs,

Down, down, down.

(And thank Goddess I didn't say that

Honey, I would never ever say that

Out loud.)

_________

20 comments:

Brian Miller said...

may they live in that blessing, when their trailer burns down...have you ever heard the song "i'll pray for you" by jarrod...it is a riot and reminds me of this...

Tabitha Bird said...

:) You'd totally say that out loud! I think I know you Miss Shay!
X

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

you totally took Taylor Swift out and got her hammered didn't you?

I am JEALOUS!!!

good work, my friend

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Hilarious, as always, Ms. Shay! Hee hee. And you'd SO say that out loud! You just did!

Lynn said...

lol! And saying good luck seems kind of like saying that she'll need it, too. :)

Old Ollie said...

Trailer trashy...

these girls are the best!

hedgewitch said...

Oh how many times I've wanted to say that out loud. One time I almost said to the groom "Commiserations!" instead of Congratulations. I also wanted to tell him not to take out any large insurance policies, but that seemed to cross a line, somehow....these etiquette questions are such a trial.

Daryl said...

Brian, trailers dont burn down, they get blown away ... ;-)

I love this ...

Mama Zen said...

Well, bless your heart!

Carrie Burtt said...

...but it sounds better outloud....love this Shay....sorry i have not been by in a while....i have not been able to get on the computer as much at work these days....hope all is going well for you! ;-)

Lolamouse said...

MZ beat me to the "bless your heart" comment! Someone did fall down on the polished floor at my brother in law's wedding. Unfortunately, it was a waiter. He hit his head and went into shock. My husband and another woman were tending to him and missed their "big entrance" into the reception. My mother in law accused my husband of stealing the spotlight from his little brother even on his wedding day!

Lydia said...

I. love. this. as. much. as. I. loathe. most. weddings.

signed...bkm said...

I would not call any of it luck...just a sentence for years of adjustment...bkm

HermanTurnip said...

You haven't, by chance, happened to have read Chuck Palahniuk's "Tell-All"? I wouldn't have been surprised to find this poem in that novel....

Sioux said...

I am going to a wedding this summer that I am NOT looking forward to. Do you think they would consider it a nice gift if I included your poem in the card?

I do...

Joanna Jenkins said...

Some days, I'm pretty sure I'd actually say that stuff out loud :-) Great job.

I've been away for a while and will now spend some time catching up on your greatness. xo jj

Cloudia said...

talent & teeth!





Warm Aloha from Waikiki


Comfort Spiral

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haikulovesongs said...

were you in the laughing crowd gathered around at the reception when i fell down while dancing, pole and all? oops! did i say that out loud?

Raven said...

LMAO That was absolutely awesome!

Timoteo said...

Wow...this was how I felt about the royal wedding! (Except for the trailer trashy part, of course.)