Congratulations!
Oh honey, congratulations
On the success of your
Machiavellian machinations.
(I'm so glad
So awfully glad
I didn't say that out loud.)
And really,
I just know you'll both be
So happy,
So happy...
He looks dashing,
And you look smashing,
If just a little
Only a little
Trailer trashy...
And I just want you to know
That I wish you
I wish you both
Would just fall down on the polished floor and choke
Til death do you part.
Thank you for letting me be a part
Of your special day!
Do you know what I wish?
Oh, I wish you would both fall head-first down the stairs,
Down, down, down.
(And thank Goddess I didn't say that
Honey, I would never ever say that
Out loud.)
_________
may they live in that blessing, when their trailer burns down...have you ever heard the song "i'll pray for you" by jarrod...it is a riot and reminds me of this...
ReplyDelete:) You'd totally say that out loud! I think I know you Miss Shay!
ReplyDeleteX
you totally took Taylor Swift out and got her hammered didn't you?
ReplyDeleteI am JEALOUS!!!
good work, my friend
Hilarious, as always, Ms. Shay! Hee hee. And you'd SO say that out loud! You just did!
ReplyDeletelol! And saying good luck seems kind of like saying that she'll need it, too. :)
ReplyDeleteTrailer trashy...
ReplyDeletethese girls are the best!
Oh how many times I've wanted to say that out loud. One time I almost said to the groom "Commiserations!" instead of Congratulations. I also wanted to tell him not to take out any large insurance policies, but that seemed to cross a line, somehow....these etiquette questions are such a trial.
ReplyDeleteBrian, trailers dont burn down, they get blown away ... ;-)
ReplyDeleteI love this ...
Well, bless your heart!
ReplyDelete...but it sounds better outloud....love this Shay....sorry i have not been by in a while....i have not been able to get on the computer as much at work these days....hope all is going well for you! ;-)
ReplyDeleteMZ beat me to the "bless your heart" comment! Someone did fall down on the polished floor at my brother in law's wedding. Unfortunately, it was a waiter. He hit his head and went into shock. My husband and another woman were tending to him and missed their "big entrance" into the reception. My mother in law accused my husband of stealing the spotlight from his little brother even on his wedding day!
ReplyDeleteI. love. this. as. much. as. I. loathe. most. weddings.
ReplyDeleteI would not call any of it luck...just a sentence for years of adjustment...bkm
ReplyDeleteYou haven't, by chance, happened to have read Chuck Palahniuk's "Tell-All"? I wouldn't have been surprised to find this poem in that novel....
ReplyDeleteI am going to a wedding this summer that I am NOT looking forward to. Do you think they would consider it a nice gift if I included your poem in the card?
ReplyDeleteI do...
Some days, I'm pretty sure I'd actually say that stuff out loud :-) Great job.
ReplyDeleteI've been away for a while and will now spend some time catching up on your greatness. xo jj
talent & teeth!
ReplyDeleteWarm Aloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral
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were you in the laughing crowd gathered around at the reception when i fell down while dancing, pole and all? oops! did i say that out loud?
ReplyDeleteLMAO That was absolutely awesome!
ReplyDeleteWow...this was how I felt about the royal wedding! (Except for the trailer trashy part, of course.)
ReplyDelete