Dearest Heart,
Darling Mine...
I am picturing you, wearing your dragon kimono, with your dark curls tied loosely back, carelessly, beautifully, standing in your doorway where the yellow forsythia appears every Spring,
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You could break my heart, you know, just standing there, fanning out the bills and ads, but with that look on your face that you get when you're unaware of yourself; the look that expects something pleasing, something nice, to happen at any given moment...
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My love, how you won my affection with that, from the very beginning. And now, I will be the one to ruin it all. Now that what I feel is so much more than affection, more than desire...more than I can bear, anymore, because you have become so indescribably precious to me.
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You have always been the one to see what I never could, by myself, and to believe that I was so many admirable things that no one else ever had. Now, my only one, you will see that I am owned by others, and heartless, and not even worth hating.
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You know what the price would be, for us to make a life together. You would do it, I know; you would fight anyone, even put yourself between the world and me, if I asked you to. Oh honey, I will tear myself to pieces writing this, and doing this to you. By the time you hold this letter in your hands, the hands that can make me tremble even in memory, I will be gone. I will do what is expected of me, live the life that has been planned out for me, and I will do all of it with a dead heart. I will be called fine, and proper, and pleasing, but what I will be is hollow and weak.
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In my life, I will only, ever, love you. I am so, so sorry. I leave my heart and all that is best in me, here, with you, though I don't expect that to mean anything, after all I have just done and said to you. I am a coward, but I do love you, and always will.
Sarah
for dverse patterns pictures and poems
top photograph by James Rainsford. Bottom photograph by Robert Holden.
the vote for one was the best...i mean that came out of nowhere, and was spot on at the same time
ReplyDeletesuffocated reflction
no i think you were spot on...the end choked me up a bit...creatively top notch shay...i like the interspertions of the other mail/trash...it disarmed us a bit for the end...
ReplyDeleteHard to know where to start with the layers in this one--the life around us, overflowing with trash and tragedy, out of which we try to put together something miraculous that then proceeds to break in our hands? the heart that must compete (and fail)with everything the heart is born dead to? I could go on but this poem does it better on its own than I could ever say it. Very effective writing, and you made the picture give off an emotional life of its own in your words.
ReplyDeleteYou have the ability to go behind the moment: where was she when she received the letter? What other mail arrived at the same time? The interspersed junk mail, kind of creates the frame of normal, impersonal communication to be found in the suburbs, while the love letter itself contains the drama and personal tragedy of an individual who is not quite sure how to fit in between hair treatments and selecting the next civil servant, when her own choices seem unbearably hard to make.
ReplyDeletePS. Thank you for this music clip. I have never heard Cyndi's version of what must be an all-time favourite love song of mine. This Gemini Girl does a fine job of tapping into the real emotion of the words, doesn't she?
ReplyDeleteOh, Shay, what a full experience this is. Having just written mine that addressed suicide, but using a different Rainsford image, I sense a wonder that we humans find wavelengths in the midst of the clap trap clutter and chaos of our lives.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the song has personal meaning for me and I love this version by Lauper.
Original and authentic. This is so clearly a heart-felt piece. abandoning what may have been the better choice is never easy but often demanded. I loved this deeply personal revelation. Thank you for sharing. James.
ReplyDeleteA unique approach. Loved the ads interspersed. And...I think she made the best decision. Sometimes it IS necessary to move on and rebuild.
ReplyDeletelife planned for you? dead heart? yes, coward indeed.
ReplyDeleteWhat isn't said here is as powerful as what is. No one can know our hearts or what we can bear.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Av6or2-KQzE
I really like where you took James' picture prompt. Unique and well-written.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hate it when perfectly good advertisements are broken up by personal mail too. Would have liked to know more about the grand opening at Jerry's, and what's Bob's stance on salad bar sneeze guards?
ReplyDeleteWow, so many layers of life in this. For the me the one that screams the most is the not living up to the expectations of others, the hurting those that we actually do love, and doing it with words on a page. Wish I didn't relate.
ReplyDeletePosted a new word list this morning; you'll like it...
ReplyDeletehttp://rosemarymint.wordpress.com/2012/03/26/monday-melting-week-10/