as thin as a thought, as long as a doubt,
the devil's darling, nocturne saturnine.
The hangman's weaver bird slips in, slips out,
creating lace of loss, brocade of dark,
as thin as a thought, as long as a doubt.
By second moon, burn the bloom, climb the bark;
a slender creeper who kills by embrace,
creating lace of loss, brocade of dark.
Dream by the lily pond, drown in the race;
the high-shown face is mere mask for the root,
a slender climber who kills by embrace.
Here find bloom for the blind, song for the mute;
black-gone fruit is the dark garden's heart.
The high-shown face is mere mask for the root.
The snake's second skin is fine seed to start
in the Second Garden, the poison vine.
Black-gone fruit is the dark garden's heart;
the devil's darling, nocturne saturnine.
______
A Terzanelle for Real Toads form challenge. Curse you, Kerry O'Connor!
Seriously?! I was half way down the poem, feasting on every glorious image before I even realized that I was reading a Terzanelle! This is filled with amazing images to blast the cobwebs from the mind, and some very familiar, if dark, emotional hooks. That final stanza is just superb. It is poetry like this which makes for exciting reading. I really mean that.
ReplyDeleteThis is incredible love "the poison vine as thin as a thought, as long as a doubt"
ReplyDeleteI've not tried my hand at this form but you wear it well!
You have just kicked every derriere in formsville with this one, Shay. Every line is vintage Fireblossom, dark, angsty, compelling, and terrifyingly close, like the monster under the bed. The cadence is dirgelike, a pavanne of sorts, and the rhyme unexpected and jabbing. You never really identify the sort of poison the vine is in the business of purveying, so the metaphor could be about almost anything--a person, a quality, betrayal, loss...and that only adds to the effectiveness here. I like the line Kathryn quoted above, but also am taken with '.. the high-shown face is mask for the root..." how terribly terribly true that is.
ReplyDeleteSheer horror and distress in every line. Wonderful reading, my imagination became uninhibited.
ReplyDeleteThe picture is the same scene with one exception, there are two escapes. First, though high, the open window where the birds came in, and secondly, the key, although it seems to be almost out of reach for this miserable person.
..
whoosh, very, very impressive, Shay! yowza. you know, i actually find myself shying away from forms with repeating lines, but you have really embraced the refrain and made it... sing? yeah, sing. this is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI think that I'll stay in the FIRST garden!!!
ReplyDeletePluck me some strawberries....
what a lovely poem!
ReplyDeleteit reads almost as an old folklore or story!
great writing!
stacy lynn mar
http://warningthestars.blogspot.com/
Like a glorious dark walk with Poe.. I love those gothic lines and strangling vines. For sure there are gargoyles as well
ReplyDeleteCrapola--Now I need to look up terzanelle to see what that form entails.
ReplyDeleteYou do EVERYthing fine-fine-fine-fine-fine-fine...(as sang Mary J. Blige)
This form gobsmacked me ... yours is perfection.
ReplyDeleteHi Shay! You have handled the form masterfully--making each line its own each time it is repeated and brining to life a parable of dark hypocrisy--full of bite--reminds me a bit of Strange Fruit--Billy Holiday--thanks much. k.
ReplyDeleteHi Shay! You have handled the form masterfully--making each line its own each time it is repeated and brining to life a parable of dark hypocrisy--full of bite--reminds me a bit of Strange Fruit--Billy Holiday--thanks much. k.
ReplyDeleteAfter I finished reading, I saw the phrase hope in madness sprouting in my mind. So many trails to follow... so much to see, to fear and to hope for.
ReplyDeletereally, Shay, form poetry?
ReplyDelete:)
I had no idea until you mentioned it.
Felt to me like you somehow channeled both Mama Zen and Hedgewitch in this piece, which I found very cool.
~
What Hedge said. I found the form HOPELESSLY complicated and not only do you knock the crap out of it, you fill it with astounding imagery and an amazing story. A brilliant write.
ReplyDeleteI like the image !
ReplyDeleteYou know kitty don't do poem, please forgive me for that ;)
The crow, they came to visit me sometime.
They are huge !!! Half of my side !
I don't mess with them....scary birdy !
Without knowing (until I checked in the challenge) how very difficult this must have been to write, it read wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteI loved the poison vine and how you did the phrases, like "as thin as a thought, as long as a doubt,.." Oh, that's wonderful, Shay!
Then after reading the challenge I went back and read it again out loud, full appreciating your talents:~)
Whoa. Like brocade, this is layered and intricate. I really like: "as thin as a thought, as long as a doubt."
ReplyDeleteEnchanting.
ReplyDeleteDark and splendid, Shay. You brought the brilliant.
ReplyDelete