Emptiness so elegant I feel compelled to buy it
And fill it full of roses, dear, their heads cut clean and slanted
At each stem like diadems of royalty recanted.
I'll roll them 'neath a crescent moon, my dear to soothe your sorrow--
To plant again by Gypsy men I'll hire for gold tomorrow.
______
For Kerry's micro-poetry challenge at Real Toads.
This is the first poem written in my gorgeous new journal given to me by Hedgewitch.
wonderfully done.
ReplyDeleteThe empty pram is a powerful image... Roses sounds better than lilies.
ReplyDeleteThe moon and gypies, how can you go wrong...
ReplyDeleteReally lovely and a delight to read.
ReplyDeleteThe eerie quality of this is only reinforced by the neatness and perfection of the rhyme and meter--there is a very genuine classical feel to the language, even as it stabs with the intensity of a more modern emotion. The sense of things lost enshrined in emptiness, of memory and other hauntings for which a cure/exorcism is perhaps not so easily bought as the narrator would suggest, overpowers the logic it pretends to advance...I love the diadem line especially--that is masterful--all in all, not just a poem full of your always very striking visuals, but one that threads lingeringly through the ears like an unfortunate experiment in early psychiatry. Fine fine writing, Shay.
ReplyDelete"An emptiness so elegant." I feel compelled to comment! Love the words and the image. The black to contrast with the rose.
ReplyDeleteShay, you are on such a roll! Every poem I have read here in a good while just takes my breath away, and I ponder: How did she just do that?
ReplyDeleteThis is stupendous!
Wonderful, eerie, memorable. k.
ReplyDeleteshort and sweet.
ReplyDeletesuch rhythm and word power wed to your own unique vision......
ReplyDeleteWarm ALOHA,
ComfortSpiral
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Beautifully done and yay for a new journal. The gems your journals must contain! You must make sure they will be preserved forever.
ReplyDelete1, congrats on the new journal.
ReplyDelete2, what a lyric ~
What came first, the picture or the words? I love the perfect rhythm and rhyme, and of course the empty carriage packs a wallop.
ReplyDeleteI hear the little jewelry box music - Sisters Grimm, perhaps, with a twist. Enjoyed much! And what an image... wherever do you find such photos?
ReplyDeleteNothing like getting off on the right cowgirl boot in a journal. ... "recanted" is the startling rhyme, I read it "decanted" the first reading. It's suffused with the bittersweet bluesy resolve of Queen of Swords.
ReplyDeleteI like how this made me feel. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteDiadems of royalty recanted! Just flies off the tongue so perfectly... perfect.
ReplyDeleteWhat a way to start a journal! Wow!
ReplyDeletePerfect.
ReplyDeleteWoohoo! Kerry got Shay to rhyme her best ever!!!
ReplyDeleteStill beautiful!
ReplyDelete