over to your table
knee-walking across the goddamned bed
to tell you she's sleeping with your honey and there's nothing you can do.
Here comes some lunatic with bad hair
who's got nukes but no sense
no filter
no off switch and by the way slept with your honey, too.
The first thing I'd advise is--don't panic.
Most things can be solved by litigation or homicide,
and those that can't can usually be put out of mind with intoxicants.
Then again, maybe you've been through all that,
teeth gone, hair gray, with a thousand cats on the davenport.
Maybe you pitched that bitch out the window,
the upstairs window, and never felt so good about anything before in your life.
Good for you, Toots. Bitches love free flying lessons.
______
Nobody writes like you. That's me, teeth gone, hair grey, gave it all up and feel terrific about it. Embracing my Cronedom. This poem made me grin like a banshee.
ReplyDeleteI started laughing at the second stanza and am just now wheezing my way to a silence capable of typing. I am totally captivated by the speaker here--I know the saying is, 'there's no fool like an old fool,' but she gives it the lie and turns it into 'there's no bigger smart-ass than an old crone,' or a one who cracks wiser either. I loved every bit of this, especially that killer last line, and this, which should be hung on the wall of every nursery in America: "Most things can be solved by litigation or homicide.." Hell yes.
ReplyDeleteOh. Yes. All of a sudden I'm sorry for being one of those knee-walking bed bitches. I'd rather be Free, and not just fiesty. Don't panic cat lady (your davenport got me smiling big for some unknown reason lol)... throw it/her/the entire thing out the window. Blame it on your intoxicant. ...If only fairy tales came true. And I'm not the one getting the free flying lesson.
ReplyDeleteWell, to all of us who have had to deal with bitches in our time... Salut!
ReplyDeleteNot only do they love free flying lessons, they deserve them.
ReplyDelete