Saturday, June 16, 2012

If You Seek A Pleasant Peninsula, Don't Say "Vagina"

"If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you" --Michigan state motto

You just can't say it. Not if you want to go on to say anything else. I'm talking about the word "vagina", which some of us use in preference to "down there" or "my hoo hoo". 

Shocking, I know. Let's face it, women are out of control these days. Michigan state representatives Lisa Brown (West Bloomfield) and Barb Byrum (Onandaga) used the V word during active session of the Michigan state legislature. The Republican majority, in an effort to lassoo these wild fillies that have run amuck in our society for far too long, getting abortions willy nilly and generally being uppity, were duly trying their best to curb these wanton behaviors when Brown and Byrum offended them to their cores with their comments.

Byrum suggested that a proposed bill govern vasectomies as well as abortions. Brown, evidently a puppet for feminist anarchist devils, said, "I'm flattered that you're all so interested in my vagina. But, no means no."

We can't have this, America. And so, Majority Floor Leader Jim Stamos (R-Midland) henceforth refused to recognize the offending hussies or to allow them to speak. Below, find a picture of Mr. Stamos and a picture of a jackass. You have five minutes to identify which is which, but please do it without saying "vagina".

Never mind that Michigan is one of these United States, and therefore supposedly part of a democracy where the free interchange and expression of ideas is permitted. These things are complicated. Don't worry your pretty little head! Just let Jim and his Republican friends decide what's best for you.

Oh, I know, it's impossible to get through the Nightly News without having to see five ads dealing with "erectile dysfunction", or what used to be known as impotence, before there was money to be made from it by pharmaceutical companies. I don't suppose an ad would be effective if it began with "Meet Jim...he can't get it up." The thing is, even though those ads dealing with flagging peckers are ubiquitous, they are apparently not as shocking as the whispered word "vagina". The V word might send the entire culture hurtling off into space!

And yet, still more brazen females keep popping up out of the woodwork, instead of staying home making meatloaf like they should. Want evidence of the total decay of America? Rather than blushing, playwright Eve Ensler is flying in to Michigan on Monday to perform "The Vagina Monologues" on the Capitol steps. The jaws of Hell gape.

Before I close, let me mention another fine Michigander (are there Michigeese as well, I have always wondered? There must be! But they do not say "vagina") Mayor Janice Daniels of Troy ("City Of Tomorrow...Today!") is facing a recall after telling a high school gay-straight alliance group that she would like to have a doctor come in and speak to them about the dangers of the gay lifestyle. Speaking recently on WXYT-AM, Daniels defended her remarks. "I said that a doctor could be brought in ... and talk about the dangers of the homosexual lifestyle. Just the same as I could find a doctor to come in and talk about the dangers of the smoking lifestyle." So many lifestyles!

In conclusion, readers: in Michigan you may discuss peninsulas all you like, but do not say "vagina". 

Source: The Detroit Free Press, June 16th, 2012.  

14 comments:

hedgewitch said...

This is hilarious, except it's not, because it actually is happening before our very eyes-100 years of feminist progress being undercut and legislated away by men who can't say vagina but sure want to control them. Your point about the impotence pill ads(o the "i' word-- teh stigma! almost as bad as that v word) had me rolling--I look at naked people in bathtubs every night I watch television wondering...."why separate bathtubs? No wonder this guy has problems with sex."
Thanks for speaking out, Shay.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh my God. I can see the shock and dropped jaws at such utterings. Hee hee. A whole group of women should gather and troll the halls chanting "Vagina, vagina,vagina." (Why do people pretend they dont exist? I remember telling my husband it must be hell to desire the thing you despise:)He agreed.)

Seriously, the Vagina Monologues are hysterically funny. That woman ROCKS.

I am worried about your accident.

ellen abbott said...

go git 'em.

Sioux said...

Two posts in one day? Did that bike accident knock loose some venom that--justifiably--needs to be expelled/spewed/detonated?

Yes, the v word is a powerful one. And yes, the commercials for little blue pills are so rosy and hazy. Did you know that STDs are running rampant in nursing homes? Thank goodness for those little blue pills...

While you are erupting about your Michigan muck, I've got to plan what kind of shirt I'm going to "create" to show my displeasure over Rush Limbaugh's bust in our state capitol. Yikes!

Helen said...

I feel a 'grrrrrrrrrrr' and a hee-hee coming on! You forgot 'va-ja-ja.'

Helen said...

,,, or is that va-jay-jay?

Kerry O'Connor said...

As an outsider, I am always shocked at how conservative the US governance can be over certain issues: I mean a body part? It seems so hypercritical when so many current songs which pour from the States to inundate the rest of the world have the most excruciating lyrics: all women are 'hos' or 'shorties', and seem good for nothing except rubbing themselves up against someone at the club or being made wet by dubious fellows. I don't get it. Do our vaginas really belong to them?

nene said...

I just hope that this type of dialogue continues as we get closer to national election day. This is just one issue that is so indicative of the control the 'Republican Party' or 'Patriarchal Party', wants.

Please keep speaking out ladies!

Mama Zen said...

Words fail me.

shawnacy said...

Thanks, Shay.Oddly enough I have a long-unfinished vagina poem that between all this ridiculous controversy, and reading Irigaray's 'speculum' i might be persuaded to finish.

and for the record, here's a lightning bolt for the offended parlaimentarians: you don't want me talking about my vagina, don't start the conversation.

my heart's love songs on wordpress said...

i wanted to make a meatloaf this week ~ will i be a traitor to modern womanhood if i do? i'll gladly write "vagina" on top of it in ketchup.

♥♥♥

Margaret said...

that she would like to have a doctor come in and speak to them about the dangers of the gay lifestyle.

!!! WHAT?

...and why would you slam that poor sweet donkey (the one with four legs) by comparing him to that Yahoo?

LL Cool Joe said...

I thought vagina was the acceptable word to use? Only last night I said to my 17 year old daughter "You realise that really tight dress you are wearing doesn't even cover your arse and vagina?"

I thought I put it very politely to her. I could have used some other words but I thought I was being tactful.

Shawna said...

"I'm flattered that you're all so interested in my vagina. But, no means no." --- That's awesome.

"Meet Jim...he can't get it up." --- It would get my attention.