If You Seek A Pleasant Peninsula, Don't Say "Vagina"

"If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you" --Michigan state motto

You just can't say it. Not if you want to go on to say anything else. I'm talking about the word "vagina", which some of us use in preference to "down there" or "my hoo hoo". 

Shocking, I know. Let's face it, women are out of control these days. Michigan state representatives Lisa Brown (West Bloomfield) and Barb Byrum (Onandaga) used the V word during active session of the Michigan state legislature. The Republican majority, in an effort to lassoo these wild fillies that have run amuck in our society for far too long, getting abortions willy nilly and generally being uppity, were duly trying their best to curb these wanton behaviors when Brown and Byrum offended them to their cores with their comments.

Byrum suggested that a proposed bill govern vasectomies as well as abortions. Brown, evidently a puppet for feminist anarchist devils, said, "I'm flattered that you're all so interested in my vagina. But, no means no."

We can't have this, America. And so, Majority Floor Leader Jim Stamos (R-Midland) henceforth refused to recognize the offending hussies or to allow them to speak. Below, find a picture of Mr. Stamos and a picture of a jackass. You have five minutes to identify which is which, but please do it without saying "vagina".

Never mind that Michigan is one of these United States, and therefore supposedly part of a democracy where the free interchange and expression of ideas is permitted. These things are complicated. Don't worry your pretty little head! Just let Jim and his Republican friends decide what's best for you.

Oh, I know, it's impossible to get through the Nightly News without having to see five ads dealing with "erectile dysfunction", or what used to be known as impotence, before there was money to be made from it by pharmaceutical companies. I don't suppose an ad would be effective if it began with "Meet Jim...he can't get it up." The thing is, even though those ads dealing with flagging peckers are ubiquitous, they are apparently not as shocking as the whispered word "vagina". The V word might send the entire culture hurtling off into space!

And yet, still more brazen females keep popping up out of the woodwork, instead of staying home making meatloaf like they should. Want evidence of the total decay of America? Rather than blushing, playwright Eve Ensler is flying in to Michigan on Monday to perform "The Vagina Monologues" on the Capitol steps. The jaws of Hell gape.

Before I close, let me mention another fine Michigander (are there Michigeese as well, I have always wondered? There must be! But they do not say "vagina") Mayor Janice Daniels of Troy ("City Of Tomorrow...Today!") is facing a recall after telling a high school gay-straight alliance group that she would like to have a doctor come in and speak to them about the dangers of the gay lifestyle. Speaking recently on WXYT-AM, Daniels defended her remarks. "I said that a doctor could be brought in ... and talk about the dangers of the homosexual lifestyle. Just the same as I could find a doctor to come in and talk about the dangers of the smoking lifestyle." So many lifestyles!

In conclusion, readers: in Michigan you may discuss peninsulas all you like, but do not say "vagina". 

Source: The Detroit Free Press, June 16th, 2012.