Neptune dumps his first wife (a mermaid),
Too embarrassed to admit that, in fifteen years, he never made it past second base.
At the bottom of the sea, there is every kind of wreck,
But Neptune finally rouses himself.
"I am the earth-shaker!" he crows,
But under water, everything is muted, and it just sounds like "I abda flug glug!"
Complete change is what Neptune wants, and so he hooks up with the Iowa Corn Queen.
She meets him at the door, dressed in provocative costume,
Purring, "Shuck me, baby!"
But Neptune is still dissatisfied.
He wants her to get a boob job.
Things don't work out,
And it's just as well that Nep isn't around to hear what the Iowa Corn Queen and her new lover say about him.
The new lover declares, with certainty,
"He's a moron! They're perfect!"
Then demonstrates that she really thinks so.
"What should I do with this stupid sea shell?" the Iowa Corn Queen asks, later.
Her girlfriend advises throwing it in the ocean.
They do, after using a Sharpie to write "U R A FLUG GLUG!" on it.
They hope it hits him in the head.
this is a magpie tale for mag 130.
image by Francesca Woodman