Saturday, April 13, 2013

Oy.

Having created the world in seven days,
God ends up with time on His hands.

He makes some weird dinosaurs and whips 'em down there,
but how many can you make?
After triceratops it's all downhill.

Then comes The Bright Idea.
God decides to hand down one commandment every day during April.

The first ten or so go well;
then things start to get dicey.

There are days when He just doesn't feel like it.
Can't a fellow get Saturdays off?
"The Rabbinical Council would have My ass," He sighs,
and so goes back to the drawing board.

"Thou shalt not eat Twizzlers on Tuesdays"
doesn't meet with the same awed response He is used to.

"No spitting on the sidewalk within city limits"
is another snoozer.

When He tosses out some crazytalk about men not lying with men,
His people won't even let Him in the disco anymore.

He declares jello pops "unclean". 
That's when he finds that He can no longer even get work doing infomercials.

Before April is over, God ditches the whole idea and hires an agent.
Within a week, He's guesting on "Hot In Cleveland."

"I'm coming all the way back!" He tells Entertainment Tonight.
"Then what?" the interviewer asks Him.
"I have another great idea," says God.
What is it?
"New Coke!"

Oy.
_____

for Lolamouse's challenge at Real Toads 



25 comments:

Kerry O'Connor said...

HAHA!

Funny, funny lady :D

Kerry O'Connor said...

PS. I immediately thought of you when I read this one of Collins'.

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poem/29783

Margaret said...

He can't even do infomercials. He has sunk quite low indeed. BUT I might just use the "No Twizzlers on Tuesday" commandment as we have an addict is our family. Ha

Charleen said...

Interesting...

TexWisGirl said...

you are a riot!

Helen said...

Oy indeed! Send this one off to Stephen Colbert! Now!

hedgewitch said...

If only. In a perfect world, this would be gospel--maybe it already is, the gospel of Saint Creola.

Sioux said...

A great, whimsical poem AND a song by REM? It's double good fun.

Lolamouse said...

I just knew you'd have fun with this prompt! I must admit to being a heretic because I eat Twizzlers CONSTANTLY! I keep a bag stashed in my glove box!
Is it my imagination or is this poem also a comment on Poetry in April?!! Things do start getting dicey after a while! Oy vey.

Ellecee said...

Love it, I laughed out loud. So well done,,,

Kay L. Davies said...

I agree with Ms Mouse. I felt a definite "oh no, not another one" vibe here, and it must have been from God because it wouldn't be from you.
Loved it, Shay. Loved it when I first read it, still loved it the second time.
K

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I second what Joy said - the Gospel of St Creola!

Emma Major said...

oh that's great, I really enjoyed it

Siggi in Downeast Maine said...

Very enjoyable read...
made me smile.
Thank you
Peace
Siggi

Susie Clevenger said...

Who else but you could write on the mind of God. Love it!

Lynn said...

Noooo! Not the new Coke!

Ella said...

Does God prefer Red or Black Twizzlers...?!

Damn that New Coke...lol

Hannah said...

Too...funny...Kerry's comment just caught my eye...I thought similarly...that this would be easy for you!! AND fun and I was right it was...Shay, chuckles here...thankful for the humor Miss Fireblossom! :)

razzamadazzle said...

Hahaha! Love it!

Other Mary said...

Hahahaha - love this! Yeah, some of those later commandments got pretty crazy! My personal favorite was unclean jello pops. :o)

sharplittlepencil.com said...

SHay, BRILL! Loved the discos. Donna Summer was banned from them after she said she was anti-gay at a time (the early 80s) when the men who made her a STAR needed her most. Michelle Shocked has done the same... whatever is the opposite of Ecstasy, she must have been on it. Buzzkill? Ha ha this cracked me up. Love, Amy

Susan said...

Fun! Oy.

Marian said...

oy, if ONLY for a commandment against hockering on sidewalks! for serious.

Mama Zen said...

This is hilarious!

myheartslovesongs.com said...

HA!

another great song!