Tuesday, April 9, 2013

You Have One New Message

If you really loved me,
you'd know what I want.
I wouldn't have to
spell it out,
dumb it down,
get out the hand puppets.

If you really loved me,
you'd lay the world at my feet--
not show up a day late,
a dollar short,
dressed in sports shit.

What made your worm-ass think
you deserve
this butterfly?
__________

art by Maria Sibylla Merian

60 words for the obviously fantastic Mama Zen.


17 comments:

Margaret said...

Ha. Fire blossom is pretty fantastic too!! Perfect wrap up ... I wondered how you were going to tie the image in.

Hannah said...

Oh, yes!!! This bitter disappointment!! You spell it out so clearly and make your reader feel...thank you!

Lolamouse said...

I'd love to print this out and give it to my hardheaded husband right about now!

TexWisGirl said...

i love it!

Helen said...

Hallmark needs to print this for Mouse's hubby ~~ and all the hardheaded goofs out there!

Kay L. Davies said...

Oh, Shay, if this is indeed heartbreak, I'm sorry, because it made me laugh. I love "I wouldn't have to...get out the hand puppets" and the last stanza is fabulous. You are definitely a butterfly!
K

Mama Zen said...

Boom! This is the coolest take ever.

Sioux said...

Wicked good, Shay.

You do long nicely, and you slay with the short.

HermanTurnip said...

AwwwYeah! That's the way to roll. Mind if I borrow this attitude for a few minutes?

Cloudia said...

Ohoh Yeah!

Daryl said...

i am savoring this one

Kerry O'Connor said...

Hehehehe!

If only all worms could be put in their place so well!

Marcoantonio Arellano said...

When Mama Zen exploded her 'Boom'! I could feel it over here.

Shawna said...

Oh now, this is just a brilliant line break:

"you'd know what I want.
I wouldn't have to"

What you're hiding here is that not only are you expecting the reader to know what you want, but you're expecting her to know what you want in spite of the fact that you don't even know. That was masterful, my dear.

And then also, that well-planned line break feeds right into your list, organizing it and controlling the way it is read and emphasized.

These are fantastic:
"get out the hand puppets"
"dressed in sports shit"

I feel like you're also hiding something sensual here:
"you'd lay the world at my feet" ... particularly if you are "the world," which is what you're saying you want to be to the reader (if worthy, which clearly he/she is not) ... I think you're embedding (ha!) the fact that you want all your desires, needs, pleasures met/served-up on an altar right at your "feet," so to speak.

The last stanza is priceless.

Marian said...

love this. at first i thought it said "sports shirt," but "sports shit" is so much more apt. !

sharplittlepencil.com said...

Shay, you are the QUEEN. Or whatever title you choose. I don't curtsy either, ha ha ha.

Love how you take a delicate illustration and just have a smackdown with it. You rock, my friend. "Sports shit," indeed!

You DO deserve a butterfly, as long as you let it fly free. As if you'd have it any other way... Love, Amy

myheartslovesongs.com said...

"worm-ass"

LOVE that!