Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I Shall Use Vulgar Language When Simians Rise Aloft From My Netherparts

Marian says write a poem using words which begin with each letter of the alphabet in sequence. The task is beyond me, and so I offer this rarity from the immortal pen of Lady Constance Brillow-Wigg, the grande dame of  the Oriental fukyu form in English.

Ass baboons cannonball

down every fucking guano-hazed intestine,

jackassy kissass lickspittle macaques,

not odoriferous pyorrheal queasy rhesus shitheads,

thrilling unfortunate venereal wart xpressing yammering zombies.

Generally considered to be the most genteel of the British fukyu poets, Lady Brillow-Wigg shocked Edwardian society when she married a Bantu warrior and bore him thirteen screaming children. Living out her days as an expatriate with a dinner plate wedged into her lower lip for beauty's sake, Lady Constance eventually died at the age of 87 from an overdose of laxative. The loss of this great literary genius is still mourned today.

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23 comments:

Marian said...

Hah!

TexWisGirl said...

you're a mess.

HermanTurnip said...

My mind as been boggled!

hedgewitch said...

Lo, I am slain by a most loathsome prick of savage ribaldry.

Yer killin me, girl.

Akila G said...

perhaps it epitomised the poet's own life! thanks for sharing

Helen said...

Netherparts ... you said netherparts? This is just too funny.

Margaret said...

I am speechless. (No "L" in the British alphabet? :)

sharplittlepencil.com said...

Shay, I am schpritzing over this, crying from laughter. If I wasn't the "preacher's wife," I'd have done something like this. It's my Crazy Chick side. You nailed it to the ever-f-ing WALL, honey. Wailing over the bio, and laughed so hard Lex got up to see what was the matter. I read it to him and he burst out laughing.

You bodice-ripping hussy, I love your ways!! Love, Amy

VaNdAnA ShArMa said...

Hmmmm...

Ella said...

I love yours...kinda how I feel when I grocery shop this days! Get out of my way zombies..lol I love the pissy
vibe and netherparts...oh, my ;D

Kay L. Davies said...

Seriously, Shay, which do you like best, really...the lickspittle macaques, or the queasy rhesus shitheads? you must have a favorite.
Alas, poor Lady Constance. How did she get the laxative past the dinner plate in her lower lip? Such a loss to literature at large, and to the English version of the Oriental fukyu poem in particular.
K

Lydia said...

I cannot stop laughing!!! This is hilarious. Me thinks the Lady was perhaps the most anal retentive poet in the history of the world! And me thinks you have expressed quite perfectly your hatred for Haiku by sharing the Lady's Oriental fukyu poem.

(Just clicked on your book then clicked on "surprise me" and read There Were Girls. Such a beautiful poem.

Kerry O'Connor said...

What a blast!!
I seem to have focussed on the awful xyz section of these poems and I gotta say I love your yammering zombies (and all the other crazy nouns with their riotous adjectives).

Margaret said...

lickspittle! Perhaps you will host a prompt and lay out the rules for oriental fukyu in English...

Daryl said...

i love this .. need to memorize it ... too bad its too long for a pillow or sampler ... ;)

Sara said...

You are so silly sometimes...you had me for a few minutes with your history lesson:~) Well, that is until the "dinner plate" part. I didn't get the earlier references. I'm running a bit slow today.

I loved the poem and the "fukyu form of English." Oh, you can make me laugh! Such a delight on a dreary day.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

OMG, the title alone was the funniest thing I have ever read and then the rest of it - sheer brilliant hilarity.

Grandmother said...

Well, definitely not for the faint of heart! Made me laugh.

Buddah Moskowitz said...

Wowee zowee!

Doctor FTSE said...

A very fine example of the fukyu form. I guess you added "lickspittle" after Margaret B left her comment.

Mama Zen said...

An overdose of laxative? That should put to rest all of the rumors that she was full of shit.

myheartslovesongs.com said...

{daintily wiping a tear from my eye with my embroidered lace hankie} i shall miss Lady Willow-Brigg for the rest of my days! no greater fukyu poet ever lived! a woman to be remembered forever!

myheartslovesongs.com said...

{daintily wiping a tear from my eye with my embroidered lace hankie} i shall miss Lady Willow-Brigg for the rest of my days! no greater fukyu poet ever lived! a woman to be remembered forever!