on the wall,
who's the fairest
of them all?
THAT bitch?!? Mirror, please.
I ask a simple question and you start trippin'.
Whatever you're on, I hope there's enough for the rest of us, cos
you just got on my bad side big time.
Look, I know
I've kinda hit a bad stretch.
How was I supposed to know that that borrowed car
had anything stashed inside the door panels?
I've done ninety on that road lots of times,
oh but THIS time there has to be a motorcycle cop.
What's with those stupid sunglasses anyway?
"Hi, I'm a stupid cop wearing stupid sunglasses.
Whip out your license, and registration, please."
I may have protested.
I may have exercised my American right to free speech.
He still didn't have to arrest me and take the car to impound.
I got some night court public defender named Larry.
And of course, Mirror, the judge has to be this dried up old witch
who looks like she lemon-scrubbed her sink with her face.
"Young woman," she said,
as if I had personally dashed her last hope in humanity.
"Young woman, I hereby sentence you to..."
Mirror, Sally Supermodel would look like shit in an orange jumpsuit.
And just TRY to get any decent product for your hair in jail.
Why, Mirror, if I hadn't have demonstrated my French trick for Larry,
he would never have helped me escape.
You know that, right?
So stop with the judgy look.
Mirror, I may have picked up a skin problem running through those woods.
And I've been living in this utility shed for five days,
talking this kid at Tasty Bird out of a few drumsticks just to survive.
I toss you a total softball of a question.
My old mirror would have known exactly what to say,
the way women do with each other,
building connections, lying our heads off.
Figures I would get the only male mirror in the state.
Where did you come from, anyway?
Some strip club on 8 Mile Road?
Why ME, God?!?
Luckily, I have my trusty compact.
Watch and learn, dumbass Mirror.
in my hand,
who's the fairest
in the land?
Diogenes, did you have your phone out?
Did you capture that Golden Moment?
I AM BEAUTY.
for Hannah's "mirror" challenge at Real Toads.
image by Roberta Tocco.