Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Annie, unfinished

a fragment, or rather a beginning, of a poem for Real Toads Out Of Standard. 

Annie Oakley joins a pack of peaceniks
living off the land
and off the grid.

Blonde-haired Jennie Frizz, who stopped using product in order to protest artificial standards of beauty,
picks up Annie's rifle as if it might bite,
and carries it out to the goat pen where she uses it to replace a broken fence post.
Annie Oakley's true soul sits silently inside the chamber like a lonely Golden Bullet.

Why does Annie allow this? 
Because Bill thinks it's a good idea,
and she loves Bill
wonderful Bill
wontcha marry me Bill?

Meanwhile, out in the goat pen....
______

So now what? You tell me, in the comments! 

19 comments:

Sioux said...

First, a little Marilyn McCoo in the morning...Wonderful.

As far as the direction. It sounds like, eventually, Bill is going to have to be gotten rid of...in an ugly manner.

Don't goats eat anything and everything?

Shadow said...

The rebel, Sally Wilson, shook her head in disgust and with a smirk pulled out the rifle

annell said...

When we take pen in hand...it seems like a good idea? Perhaps you will return one day, and you will 'know.' Maybe the lines get dropped, connection interrupted?

Susan said...

Haha! A "What would you sacrifice?" poem!!

After suggesting you strike the word like in line eight, I can only suggest you give Annie a shot of your own soul. What would you do if your voice was taken away from you? I am one of the peacemakers who would give all but my own soul, and even I like your poetry too much to suggest any other direction.

Kerry O'Connor said...

If this were anyone other than you, I would think a goat pen a strange setting for a romantic break through, but in Shay's Word garden, anything is possible.

Lynn said...

Love that you threw in the 5th Dimension. :)

Arushi Ahuja said...

sorry Fireblossom!! i find myself quite lost too.. although this is so interesting and intriguing please do publish it once you finish it... i really want to read it!!

Debi Swim said...

This is intriguing. I hope something happens that brings Annie back to herself and her own strength. Love is great but not if you have to submerge your true self. I'm so curious as to what happens back at the goat pen - please finish this: )

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I am surrounded by Annie's - sigh - and feel much like the lonely bullet in the chamber. My question being, which way is the rifle pointed? down into the underworld of hoary beasts, or up, so she can finally fly free?

Hannah said...

The soul and the golden bullet are striking for me and if you want to really go in the direction of goats - goats have amazing golden eyes...maybe that could tie in some how? I like it, Shay! :)

Isadora Gruye said...

oh, you definitely have a strong start, and I could see why it might be hard to think of what could come next.

Does the rifle fire off, sending the bullet, and True Annie to be embedded in Jennie's big toe? Or some where strange and appropriately metaphoric? Does Jennie decide to stop mending fences and take aim at something in the distance, only to have the gun not fire? or do we get introduced to more peaceniks in the goat pen? Maybe a few characters who are groovy and counsel poor Annie in the ways of peaceniks, or maybe Annie turns the peaceniks into gun toting buffalo hunters, and they can pile into a cadillac heading toward hollywood...

Just a few suggestions. Do you have something you are trying to say in particular, or just tell a great whopping story. I suspect the latter and if I am right, me thinks having a conversion of peaceniks then a far out roadtrip would be sublime :) Can't wait to see how it turns out!!

Helen said...

Bill is not good enough for the lovely Annie Oakley. She loves Jennie Frizz and they are destined to live happily ever after .. They do away with Bill, bury him in the goat pen ~ wear flowers in their hair, go barefoot ~ age of Aquarius, baby!!

Outlawyer said...

Meanwhile out in the goat pen sort of says it all! k.

Sara said...

I'll give it a "shot." Unfortunately without poetry.

Billy the goat meanders over to check out the new fence. Needless to say, like all goats, he starts to nibble. He can't resist, you see. He likes the metallic taste and nibbles some more.

Before you can say BOOM, Annie Oakley's true soul discharges. It clangs off the supper bell and ricochets off the rooster weathervane.

Jennie Frizz hears the commotion and comes outside to see the whizzing soul. Shocked by what she sees, her mouth drops open. Wa-lah, Annie's soul flies inside.

In the meantime, Billy the goat, gets free and sees Jennie Frizz stunned. He can't resist and lowers his head and aims for Jennie's derriere.

When he hits, Jennie swallows and Annie's soul finds a new home. Needless to say, Annie doesn't care about Bill anymore. Instead, her eyes feast on the lovely Heidi who lives off the grid in the commune over the hill from Jennie:~)

Mama Zen said...

Annie, get your gun!

Marian said...

Laura Nyro dancing with those goats... and more about the hair. a photo of the sans-product hair. i love that line.

Daryl said...

so in the background they're playing Laura Nyro and the Fifth Dimension is singing along ...

hedgewitch said...

Love Helen's comment, and love this poem. Classic Fireblossom, especially the Golden Bullet line (and I always wondered if that Laura Nyro song was a bit of sarcasm-certainly seems so here.)

pausing for interviews said...

Oh, wow. That last stanza is scary.