Thursday, August 14, 2014

Devils

Devils stole my face before I drew my first breath,
and so the laughter of devils became my lullaby.

Mothers were scarce, though I searched for them
sang for them; I was a mermaid with a tail of shame.

I had no face, so I stole other faces.
I never realized that they had been left by the devils, for me to find.

My faces were kissed, but the lips weren't mine.
My faces were mocked,
stabbed,
turned to nightmares;

I went to a wedding in a false face, and the wedding was mine.
The devils congratulated us.

I drowned a hundred faces in every spirit I could lay my hands on.
They grinned, vomited, and ate words the devils gave them.

I would have died, you know;
many times, I wanted to die.

In the time before my first breath,
in the time before devils,

I was loved. Someone told me that, and from then on, inside my head,
was a church made of those words.

Mothers were scarce, and so I turned to the Mother of All.
I said, I have no face. She said, use Mine.

Devils are everywhere, on top of skyscrapers,
wrapped around the wheels of city buses,

killing the best of us, killing the spirits of the brightest of us,
whispering in my ear like a flock of empty crows;

but someone told me that I was loved
in the time before my first breath; in the time before devils.

Someone told me that, before the beginning, I was loved,
and in a church made from those words, I kept living.

Here is a poem. Here is a little light from the Mother of All.
I said to her, in tears, I have no face.
She said to me, wandering child, use Mine.
__________


8 comments:

Sioux said...

Shay--
This--I assume--could be one of a series of autobiographical poems. So moving and so sad (at points) but ultimately triumphant and happier.

Cloudia said...

"Mothers were scarce, and so I turned to the Mother of All.
I said, I have no face. She said, use Mine."

Twin!



ALOHA from Honolulu
ComfortSpiral
=^..^= . <3 . >< } } (°>

Helen said...

... sometimes I feel like a motherless child a long ways from home, I remember my grandmother singing this and feeling very sad ... you are loved.

Sara said...

Oh, Shay this made me cry. Wow, this is beautiful.

For all the people who've struggled with the devils in life, your words give such comfort. These words just touch me again and again:

"Someone told me that, before the beginning, I was loved,
and in a church made from those words, I kept living."

We all need to remember the time "before the beginning" and that we were and are always loved and always have been.

Mama Zen said...

That close is breathtaking.

Calliope Jones said...

I misread Mama Zen's comment as, "So close, it's breathtaking." So that will become my comment. It hits extremely close to home. And it's a phenomenal poem.

Kerry O'Connor said...

This is a soul-searing heart-stopping piece, Shay. To wrestle with demons and survive with an angel's face is no small accomplishment.

hedgewitch said...

Both this and the poem preceding it are so full of intuitive understanding, understanding that is both of and beyond words, thoughts, and goes straight into the landscape and library of the heart. The only thing we know about this life is that we have to carry it on, have to be the best we can or it all is useless devil-babble. Glorious writing, Shay.