Book Review: "Help! A Bear Is Eating Me!"

HELP!  A Bear is Eating Me! by Mykle Hansen

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Marv Pushkin, the narrator of this short novel, is a complete jackass. Having set up a Team Building Event in Alaska for his advertising agency group, Marvin manages to end up alone, pinned beneath his Range Rover, covered in bear lure, in the middle of no place. How will he get laid by Marcia from Product Dialogue? How will he see to it that his wife Edna has a fatal accident? How will he arrange for nature to be bulldozed and replaced with 7-11's and condominiums? It's going to be tough because, wouldn't you know, a bear shows up and begins eating Marvin's feet.

Fortunately, Marv has enough dope of various kinds, and beer and beef jerky underneath the vehicle to survive for days while being nibbled on by the bruin in question. All the while, he regales the reader with his absurdly comic vitriol towards other people, Alaska, the Team, and yes, bears.

Marv comes by his assholishness somewhat honestly. He was traumatized at a young age by the death of his younger brother who met his end by drinking Toilet Duck and then running out into traffic. Marvin had stolen his teddy bear, who wore motorcycle leathers--including chaps--and mirror sunglasses, but threw the bear away when he suspected it might be gay.

Marvin Pushkin doesn't like anyone, is to blame for nothing, and above all, wants revenge just as soon as he can get out from under his Range Rover. It might take a while, but that's so much the better for the reader. I had to actually stop reading a couple of times because I was laughing so hard. Recommended for those with a really bent sense of humor.



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