Some sharks move to suburbia.
They are mutant land sharks, able to breath and speak in their
strange, halting pidgin.
Their spawn, er, kids sign up for Little League
and eat burgers at picnic tables after the games--
A lot of burgers.
Okay all the burgers.
At little Maria's birthday party, there is a pinata.
One of the shark kids bursts up from the lawn,
opens its gaping maw,
and consumes it whole, along with much of a maple tree.
Version 1) Maria runs inside, crying.
Version 2) Maria starts writing "Mrs, Maria Shark" over and over
in her school notebook.
Some customs elude the sharks.
Someone brings over a bundt cake as a welcome gesture.
Mrs. Shark tries for an air kiss on the cheek but sends the woman to the hospital.
It is awkward for everyone and permanent for the neighbor.
The sharks notice that PTA mothers' and golfing dads' smiles
have turned to scowls.
Country Club sponsorships dry up.
The sharks make a holiday visit to the community pool and everyone runs away screaming.
The sharks start wearing disguises in the grocery store and at the bank.
"I am a harmless minnow," says one shark
from a few rows of dagger-like teeth.
During a visit to a local gallery, all the sharks wear berets
and funny eyeglass masks.
No one is fooled.
Realizing that things have gone too far for remedy,
the sharks shrug, as sharks will,
and solve everything by eating the school principal,
the HOA president, and the local chief of police,
all in a single afternoon.
They pack up all their stuff and return to the sea
where people are not so judgy and unforgiving.
They playfully sink a fishing boat and eat all the occupants, fish, tackle, and the mast.
They are home. Their stomachs are full. All is well.
Brody and Hooper may kiss their fantastic finned butts.
________
for Word Garden Word List--Shakespeare Bats Cleanup
Music: Baby Shark (You're welcome!)
I laughed out loud, starting with Version 2) Maria. That girl is a survivor and knows what's up! But, your poem just kept getting better from there. I love your talent for both the absurd and relatable. I'll be coming back to this one when I need to laugh. Hilarious and satisfying, Shay!
ReplyDeleteI love your stories. I dont know how you do it, or why you are not EXTREMELY famous. But I think of all the years I have been delighting in reading your work and know how much you have added to my life.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha. This made me laugh. Love it!! Love the understatement. "It is awkward for everyone and permanent for the neighbour". And the "stick it up 'em" ending. It's a wonderful tale.
ReplyDeleteLife through the eyes of a shark - where people are not so judgy and unforgiving. - It is a fascinating write
ReplyDeleteThe clean-up batter, the clean-up batter ~ most powerful of 'em all. In shark's disguise. I love your hysterical poem.
ReplyDeleteYou made me laugh. A lot. (".. all the sharks wear berets" in particular.) I'm afraid some of the muscle damage may be as permanent as a shark-kiss scar...this is funny, of course, but that's not to say it doesn't make a superb metaphor with some sinister overtones as well. I'm pretty sure now my new neighbors will prove to have double rows of teeth and a bloody grin when they finally come to occupy their new metal house..perhaps it's so big because there's an indoor pool? Sharp, dryly hilarious and full of your trademark wit. Only you could have written this.
ReplyDeleteYou got me with sharks in berets and funny eyeglass masks.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this!
This is sharkingly funny! What did we do to deserve you, Shay?! There's no end to your wit. Thankfully so. The most disturbing bit of hilarity:
ReplyDelete"Version 2) Maria starts writing "Mrs, Maria Shark" over and over
in her school notebook."
I always love your story poems and humor Shay! This one does not disappoint! I needed this today!
ReplyDelete