Friday, April 8, 2011

The Amazing Gypsy Fortune Teller

The gypsy fortune teller said, let's begin then.

Stay away from men named Tom,

Fireworks, bombs,

And poisonous creatures of every description.

Then she sipped her tea

And the silence stretched out


Anything else? I asked, a little pointedly.

Of course, she said,

And nodded, yes even winked, at me.

Again she sipped her tea

Which habit was becoming

Rather annoying to me.

Well? I demanded. What?

Avoid escalators,


And pitch men of every stripe.

Shun sailors

And milksops of all persuasions and natures.

Be suspicious of bishops

And high churchmen of all denominations,

But most of all,

Remember that cheap hair spray is an abomination.

What do you recommend? I inquired,

Simply wanting the whole thing to end.



White plaster.

Epoxy or polyurethane.

Pie crust.


Cat gut or monkey brains.

I'll be leaving now, I said.

She just sipped her tea

And wiggled her ears

Quite thoroughly amazingly.



Anonymous said...

Lemme just raise a hand and *vote* for polyurethane.

I nearly choked on my espresso, laughing at this. Gotta love them wiggly-eared folk! That's talent.

(yep, Ima ear-wiggler)

Raven said...

LOL You are so good at making me laugh, even when I'm in a pissy mood and wishing I had access to nuclear weaponry.

hedgewitch said...

I was kinda on board till the monkey brains.

Thanks for both brightening my day and making me glad I don't use hair spray.

Brian Miller said...

monkey brains get a bad rap, ever since the indiana jones movie...really they are not i agree with the fortune teller...and i use fiber gum to stand the hawk, not hairspray...

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

May I suggest AquaNet Xtra Hold?
I'm from I know from hair products
I have no idea what the stuff is made of but you could pull 5 g's and your coiff would remain fabulously stratospheric and of course, bitchin'

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Love it. "Much the smartness", indeed!

Sioux said...

The advice about cheap hair spray is spot-on.

Could this be the first of several poems about the gypsy fortune teller?

Lolamouse said...

Is the glue to hold the piecrust together and the polyurethane to give it that lovely shine?

K9friend said...

Loved it! That could have been a scene from Alice in Wonderland!


ellen abbott said...

sounds about right.

Ami Mattison said...

I love this, Shay. Such a fun and interesting character. I too think we should hear more from her.

Patricia Caspers said...

This is so much fun. Great rhyme and alliteration.

Lisa said...

holy crap! this has to live on my fridgeeeeeeeeeee

could also transcribe onto a whiteboard for easy access to imperative reminders.


Mama Zen said...

That's about the kind of fortune teller I'd get!

And, Rene is so right about the AquaNet!