argued inevitable discovery
while you sat looking poleaxed and lopsided--
not at all the old Pooky Bear I used to know.
Even without the medium,
my tawdry lesbian affair with some chick on the next street
would have been found out.
I was hoping you wouldn't notice
when I signed the pre-nup "Eleanor Roosevelt,"
and you didn't.
Why start noticing shit now?
In the old days, I could have burned the house down;
could have run a marijuana farm in the barn,
under those lights, I forget what they call them.
Now, one little kiss and it's see you in court.
Look, if you want to fight dirty,
if you want to hurt each other, listen to this:
my girlfriend got me pregnant,
and it isn't yours.
I think this judge is rude,
having me removed like that.
At least I get to watch tv,
though it only seems to get this one retarded courtroom show.
On our wedding night,
when you texted your undying love,
you forgot to Mirandize me
before I said all that other stuff.
It's all fruit of the poison tree,
you and me.
Sorry if I ruined your life,
but we're done here,
and they're releasing me on my own recalcitrance.
Try to move on, Poopsie Pie,
after me, it's gonna be all downhill from here.
Ouch.. when a couple start to fight dirty I can fully understand why the world is full of war.. I think there are cases when the fight ain't worth it...ReplyDelete
You bring your trademark beyond the fringe humor to this dry (and wry) little tale--twisted up doesn't even begin to describe the process of an attraction gone Judge Judy on us, but you managed to bring it to life in all its irony and caustic realism, including all the things we throw at each other that we are too ate up with emotion at the time to notice and appreciate for the joke on both parties they are.("My girlfriend got me pregnant and it isn't yours!") I especially love the legal references scattered throughout this--I think I have been released on my own recalcitrance before, myself. ;_) All of which doesn't take away from the bitter pill the court has ordered us to swallow, or the very real genius in the writing. You never fail to blow my mind.ReplyDelete
they're releasing me on my own recalcitrance...ReplyDelete
I had such a good laugh over this non-apologetic letter! That's a good way to start a Monday.
This had me laughing from the first line and the legalese gone awry is hilarious. The song goes with it perfectly but Doug and the Slugs? Really?ReplyDelete
This is spectacular! And I am stoked you posted my fave song by my cousin's band.......my cousin is Rick Baker, cool looking dude with silver curls. The Slugs played at our fall fair here in september and Rick stayed here with us - normally he lives in San Diego.ReplyDelete
I want to pick one line, and say that it is my favorite... but I can't! I adore them all. This is a delicious deluge of words and phrases and ideas that sing of so many ridiculous truths.ReplyDelete
This one, still made me snicker the widest:
"my girlfriend got me pregnant,
and it isn't yours."
She is true to herself from line one to last. Strong and bold, she leaves an impression.ReplyDelete
poor Poopsie Pie has nothin' but a downhill slide to look forward to...ReplyDelete
you can be a cold, cruel bitch when you need to be! (one of the reasons i love ya!)
[just as an aside ~ "may the bridges i burn light the way" ~ aren't bridges you burn behind you? does that mean they light the way for your followers? is that a code? i always thought you might be the leader of an occult..um, i mean a cult. your new portrait (are those Mary Janes?) has a sinister look to it... i bet you're leaving hidden messages all over the place!]
When we talk about how screwed up our country is when it comes to the courts and people who are suit-happy, we can at least smile--in a wry way when reading your poem.ReplyDelete
Shay--I'm sure you look marvelous in your new 'do.
(And send me your address. You won "Water Under the Bridge." The print is NOT small and it's not overly long.)
love this .. its just poetic justice served coldReplyDelete
Hahaha! Marriage in abstentia opens up all those other laws to reinterpretation. Cassie is well out of this; thank God for her recalcitrance! A letter is/was more than he deserved--but I am so happy to see it.ReplyDelete
"Why start noticing shit now?" Exactly.ReplyDelete