Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Gift

It's time for MZ's "Words Count" feature at the Imaginary Garden With Real Toads. She says:

"Imagine yourself in the safest place you've ever known.  Let yourself sink into the details.  Feel the texture, the temperature.  See the angle of the light.  Breathe deep . . .
And, tell me about it in 53 words or less."
Okay. Here it is, in exactly 53 words!
"Gift"
She had a voice so right she could make the Moon sneak to meet her on the down low--
So new-car fur-cuffs fine she could make concubines cry and quit for jealous.
But that night, she soothed me sweet,
a mother for the mother-hungry...
the perfect gift, and I
never forgot.
___________
 

25 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

wooo-whee!

Cloudia said...

From amazing opening gambit, good no great, to the last drop.


Aloha

Sioux said...

Wowza!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Brilliant. Perfection. Sigh. "a mother for the mother-hungry". So good.

Kitten said...

Pure awesomeness! The words flowed into each other from the first to the last.

Helen said...

Oh yes!! Add two words and give it to the G-Man tomorrow night! What a gift.

hedgewitch said...

It's amazing what an entity in itself a voice can be--some are truly remarkable vehicles for the soul who is carried by them--here we have voice and soul and comfort, and perhaps something a bit hotter as well, all in the same smooth limosine. Lovely, Shay.

HermanTurnip said...

Fantastic job! Anything that can make concubines cry is a-okay in my book. Heh...

I need to find a site that has fiction writing challenges. Have you ever seen such a website?

Mama Zen said...

Just freakin' perfect.

sharplittlepencil.com said...

Shay, this is so sexy, sensual... and I can see how this would be your perfect safe place. AND you can play there, too!! Hotcha! Amy

VaNdAnA ShArMa said...

:)beautiful meaning at the end!!

mindlovemisery said...

Very sexy love it!

Grandmother said...

Ah, the uniquely amazing thing great sex can do. She was a gem.

Robyn Greenhouse said...

New-car fine - what a great word choice! Gets so many of the senses right there - sight, touch, smell!

Hannah said...

She's too fine to pair with soothing- mothering...you see my heart's conflicted but that's personal...it doesn't lessen the gift or the giver or your poetic rendering which is fabulous, (as always), Shay. :)

Akila G said...

This is a lovely piece!!

Kerry O'Connor said...

I love the way the vowels resound in these lines - gives an underlying poetic sound to your words.

Lolamouse said...

Another one hit out of the ballpark, Shay! Perfection.

Daryl said...

i can see/feel that unforgetableness

Lynn said...

Woohoo! FB!

Kay L. Davies said...

How much safer can it get than "soothed me sweet, a mother for the mother-hungry" ?
But I love the description of her voice, and "new car fur-cuffs fine" made me smile. Delightful, Shay!
K

myheartslovesongs.com said...

LOVE your safest place, SP!

Other Mary said...

I like your idea of safe being a person rather than a place, and love your images!

Loredana Donovan said...

Am I naive or is there more than singing going on here? :) The innuendos are very sensual. Love how you personified the moon that would sneak to meet her ...

Joanna Jenkins said...

53 very impressive words!
Nice job.
xo jj