Sunday, July 6, 2014

Assclown Removal Kit

Frustrated? 
Annoyed?
Surrounded by assclowns?

You need the Assclown Removal Kit!
Includes everything to remove assclowns in one easy application!

The Assclown Removal Kit removes:
chatterboxes
slow, overcautious drivers
blowhards
pious fuckheads
whiners
passive-aggressive dipshits
know-it-alls
drama queens
personal space invaders
and more!

Kit contains fire hose, PPOs, duct tape and launch pad.

Order NOW!!!
_______

for Flash 55 at Real Toads! Feel free to grab our cool new graphic designed by Lily at Poetry of the Netherworld, at the top of this post! 

20 comments:

Kerry O'Connor said...

Sounds worth the undisclosed dollar price tag!

hedgewitch said...

I need one! Where do I send my money? 55 snorts and associated sarcastic guffaws for the FF55 annals.

Sioux said...

I agree with Kerry (well worth whatever the cost) but I disagree with Hedgewitch. I need more than one. I think if I order a baker's dozen, I might have one or two left over to use in an emergency situation...

TexWisGirl said...

i'm not savvy enough to know what a ppo is (besides the medical insurance thing.) :)

Mama Zen said...

Money is no object! Send me 2 immediately!

Lovin' the new graphic! We are getting so legit!

Marian said...

i need this.

Magaly Guerrero said...

Do you have any left? Please! There is a local (and national) infestation of douchebags that needs to be treated.

Brilliant!

GAB said...

Oh if only it was a real thing! But thanks for the good dream.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Where do I sign up? Cackle! Loved this. (Surely to God someone must have invented one of these by now?)

Helen said...

OMG ... send this one to Stephen Colbert!!!

Cloudia said...

Im IN!



ALOHA from Honolulu
ComfortSpiral
=^..^= <3

Margaret said...

Oh no.. I've been know to be a chatterbox. ;P (otherwise I think it is funny)

grapeling said...

whoosh. damn, Shay ~

Grandmother (Mary) said...

You've got them all- and a good way to deal with them!

Stacy Lynn said...

haha...and my day has been made. i hope you publish this poem in a book someday.

ps...the trinkets, mojo and mocha latte sound a lot like me. i think we should be fast friends! :)

Jim said...

This should Rid you of "them". I would like to be around on application. Very clever indeed.
..

Hannah said...

It's so great that one product will cover such an array of faulty traits!! Lol Fun imaginings here, Shay!!

Sara said...

You are such a hoot! Love the name "assclown." I can see this ad on late night TV. My mind also had fun imagining using the kit, especially the launch pad. LOL

It was also fun to read. I got to practice my own announcing voice/ Lets just say no one will hiring me soon:~)

Also, thanks for including "personal space invaders" as they are an assclown I'd like to remove

Kathryn Dyche Dechairo said...

You'd make a fortune . . . love it.

Susie Clevenger said...

Love it!! Where can I buy one?