Monsters of Me

I'm not so sure I would want to face
the monsters of me
that might have been, under different stars.

How heavy and foreign, how bizarre,
the clunky telephone and the safety glass.
What to say to the hardened, lined face on the other side?

Taken further, what about the locked ward,
what about the chilling disturb of the rolling lawn
with its markers and dates?

Then again, maybe Goddess spared enough angels
to save the other me, too.
Maybe the bars, the taverns, the prisons, the asylums,
and yes, the graveyards, had to do without me there, too.

What if, on that different Earth where the same sun seems to rise,
and where coffee brews the same, warming the hands, the body, the soul,
I should find something even harder to see?

What if there were a white-painted porch in early daylight,
a soft gray throw, and a pair of dogs at my feet on the painted boards?
What if a face as familiar as my favorite poem appeared...
what if she had lips for mine,
her body close and known?
What if I had her close at hand, there, in that other life?

What if, looking on, I didn't even know her name?
What if, having seen, I had to go back?
I wonder,

if that might be the hardest of all to bear.


for Fireblossom Friday at Real Toads



Sioux Roslawski said…
Shay--Imagining a hell worse than the one you emerged from...THAT is some powerful sh**.
hedgewitch said…
I think you've sketched a very real 'other' world here--the one of our heart's desire, and your last sentence distills the pain of seeing it but not having it.The juxtaposition with all the truly stark other options just makes it more intense. An excellent poem in both its simplicity and its power. Thanks for the wonderful challenge, too.
Unknown said…
It is rather a weird experience even just thinking of meeting another me! Leaves us wondering if this better or the other.... Loved it fireblossom!
Magaly Guerrero said…
"What if, looking on, I didn't even know her name?
What if, having seen, I had to go back?"

What if, indeed... Just imagining what life would be like if the heart had to live with something that was for another me, but that might never be for me, not in the same way at least... oh, the desperation. Better not to know. I hate surprises, but I love the living that comes next... yet to be discovered.
Susan said…
Excellent. Your images make me think of other of your poems here and with Coal Black. Your Questions lead me to hug myself here and now. Would I be the people I protest, the opposite of me?
21 Wits said…
Today, as only a very few times in my life, have I feared that real monster in me, and it seems it always rises on the wings of pure evil. Excellent poem.
Sherry Blue Sky said…
Oh yes, it would. My poem took me, not ahead, but back there to a similar what if.......sigh. Great prompt, Shay. Loved it, even though it brought tears, as so many things do these days.
Hannah said…
Excellent facets explored of these other yous. I like the you with the dogs at your feet. I'm looking forward to seeing this film. Thank you, FB.
Cloudia said…
You & me, Shay - You & me both

ALOHA from Honolulu
=^..^= <3
Dani H said…
that would be difficult, to see a life which you have your heart's desire only to have to return to this reality.

i like the you who you are!

I thank the goddess for all the angels sent to you to save you and bring you to us and your courage to say yes. Go back? Unimaginable.
Susie Clevenger said…
What holds a whole universe of wondering, questioning. I appreciate the honesty in this. I would not want to go back tho person I was before..
Kerry O'Connor said…
I think I might be a bit disappointed if I met my other self in a parallel universe or twin planet and found her life was the same as mine. But I guess we have forged our lives, for good or bad.
Helen said…
The 'what ifs' the 'I wonders' ~ awesome poem, Shay. AND a great challenge.
Sara said…
Sigh...this one is so poignant, Shay. I loved this line, "What if a face as familiar as my favorite poem appeared..."