Real Doll

I was a real doll,
dressed to the nines,
and cuter than ten puppies in an Easter basket.

I had button eyes.
My doctor shone a penlight at them and declared,
"flat affect" and started me on a prescription.

Pretty soon, my stitched-on grin
was making me popular!
Invites everywhere, filling up my screen.
Oh hell yes!
I'm telling you, girl,
I was so surprised I could have shit and fallen back in it.

Me and my doll friends wore striped stockings
and cute dresses we changed twenty times a day.
And boyfriends?
Mine came and went like the weather--
I kept pushing their hands away from my hem,
spouting some crap about saving myself for marriage,
but I was worried what they'd do 
when they only found smooth plastic.

That's when things started to go tilt, a little bit.
Like at the beauty college,
where the Barbie with a ring in her nose took way too much off.
"It'll grow back!" chirped the cashier,
but, hello, it's yarn, it won't.

And, no matter how much Aveeno I slather on,
I'm about as soft as a baseball bat.
I turned to booze, but unlike some, I can't pee.
I tried smoking dope, but my mouth doesn't open.
I even tried hard dope, but the needles always break.

You know what? I never went back to that doc.
Now I spend my days splayed on some little girl's bookshelf,
next to a Beanie giraffe.
Sometimes she takes me down and dangles me by my heels, 
squeaking, "Oh noooo! I'm falling out of the ski lift! 
Save meeeeeeee!"
Don't laugh, Toots, it's a plumb part.

I'm a real doll,
dressed to the nines,
and cuter than kittens in a cereal bowl.



TexWisGirl said…
another great romp thru your mind...
hedgewitch said…
Appearance versus reality--that's always a bitch to come to terms with. Funny, and also, bittersweet.
Helen said…
It is a bit after 7:30am here in Bend ~~~ now THIS is the way to begin a great day, Dollface!
Unknown said…
Dang, FB I always love the way you tell it like it is even in the world of a true doll!!
How can anything be cuter than 10 puppies????

Sherry Blue Sky said…
"but hello, it's yarn, it wont." You slay me.
Cloudia said…
Your excellence improves and surprises daily it seems!

ALOHA from Honolulu
=^..^= <3
Lolamouse said…
At least the little girl didn't pull your head off and fly it around the room by the hair, saying, "I'm the ghost of murdered Barbie..." Now who could have done THAT?!!
Stacy said…
i freakin' love this one. hahah...i love how real and gritty you are here, as if you were merely engaged in a telephone conversation.

fake plastic dolls...heh. reminds me of a song by radio head, fake plastic trees, i think. worth a listen! :)

stacy lynn mar
Maude Lynn said…
Fell back in it, eh?
Unknown said…
Love the video about happiness. It sure beats sadness. But, then sadness helps us to really value what happiness is.