Thursday, April 5, 2012

Justin Verlander Vs. The Wendigo

Once upon a time, there was a winter place, shaped like a hand, called Michigan. In this place, the people lived in ice caves, and ate icicles. Not only were they very hungry and cold, but they were beset by wolves, bears, and an enormous, terrifying, foul-smelling monster called The Wendigo.

The Wendigo loved to torment the people, sending blasts of frigid air into their tiny caves, and carrying off their children, who were never seen again. Whenever a warm day would come--a thing that only happened in July or August--and a little struggling green shoot would appear, peeking up out of the frosty ground, The Wendigo would stomp up and down on it until it was nothing but broken bits. These The Wendigo would put in its mouth and blow out again as ashes, which would darken the sky and block the sun.

The people were in despair. Then came a strange sound from the east. A man appeared. Some said he came from Virginia. He and The Wendigo stood facing each other across the frozen wastes. 

"I will eat you!" bellowed The Wendigo. "I will eat you and spit out your bones!"

The man reached back and uprooted a huge evergreen and threw it at The Wendigo. It went straight through its rotten black heart, and The Wendigo staggered and screeched. 

Then the man picked up a black bear and threw it into the sky; it went up a mile in the air, then came down directly on The Wendigo's fugly head. The Wendigo howled and cried like a giant evil baby.

Finally, the man grabbed the sun from the horizon, reared back, and sent it speeding through the air so fast that it left a fire trail like a comet. It hit The Wendigo smack between its beady little eyes and knocked him out. The sun bounced off The Wendigo, back into the sky, where it burned brightly and brought a warm, bright Spring.

The people came out of their ice caves and had a festival in honor of the amazing man who had saved them. 

"What is your name?" they asked the stranger.

"Justin Verlander," he said. So they built him a ballpark and named it Comerica Park, and assembled a baseball team and called it the Detroit Tigers. In this place, with his new friends, Justin Verlander could spend entire summers vanquishing foes with his mighty right arm, as the people cheered.

Everyone prospered after that, except the Wendigo, who had a nervous breakdown and developed numerous tics and phobias. Even babies frightened it half to death. Nerds chased it up and down the streets of town, and little old ladies beat it up.

"Hooray!" said everybody, and they all lived happily ever after.

for Kerry's challenge at Real Toads 


hedgewitch said...

If this isn't oral tradition it damn well should be. You can come write in my myth books anytime.The Wendingo is bad juju--I would think it would take more than a Louisville--or Virginia slugger to prostrate one with the psychosomatic hives. The guy must be magic. Glad I read this tonight when I had no coffee to exhale from my nostrils.

Cloudia said...

you, Griot of Mish-eh-gan, have
the eternal soul of a bard.

I too smile at the prospect of
that "CRACK!" the murmur of hundreds droning like Spring bees. . .
beer. . .

fond Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral


Sioux said...

I enjoyed this, and I am not in any way a sports fan. As always, Shay, you entice and enchant your readers.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Everyday there are myths and legends in the making, monsters to be vanquished, heroes to rise to the occasion and adoring fans to cheer them on. Pass this story on through 4 generations and it will be Arthurian.

Lynn said...

Ha! You have quite the imagination, Shay. :)

Daryl Edelstein said...

'oh',she yawns, stretching,'is it baseball season again'?

nene said...

Wonderful myth to popagate but being a Cub fan, I would like to insert maybe Fergy Jenkins or Kerry Woods 8-p

Wild imagination

Mama Zen said...

Play ball!

Sara said...

Shay -- one of the things I love about you is your creativity knows NO bounds. This was a great story. I especially loved the happy ending part.

I must confess, I'm not a baseball fan, but I looked up Justin Verlander. Did you know he was a vampire for Halloween one year and the next year he was Freddy Krueger? He's right up your alley or maybe more the QOTV's alley:~)

I found this article about his childhood.

Have a great weekend:~)

Sherry Blue Sky said...

What a great the comment: "baseball season again?" Hee hee.

Helen said...

... and then the Wendigo shuffled off to the next state which is Wisconsin .. and spirited
'The Prince' away from the Brewers ~ to Detroit where he will live happily ever after!

Anonymous said...

Verlander may not be a bad-ass in the tradition of a Bob Gibson or Sal Maglie, but if an ancient golem or gargantua has two on and nobody out, I'll take 'em.

Lolamouse said...

If you wrote all the sports stories, I might be more interested in them!

Anonymous said...

LOVE that song!