Two Simple Questions

Dark-haired women are the best--

We all carry tarot decks,

Blusher,

And a certain smoky magick.

Think about it--

When the end comes,

(and it may, any minute)

Do you really want to be out there with a blonde?

Do you really?

Do you really?

We have witches' houses

Out in the countryside,

Familiars at our feet.

Come in,

Come in,

We may turn you to stone on a whim,

Or strew the winter landscape with lilies if we care to;

Do you dare to

Kiss us and live with the consequences?

Do you?

Do you really?

_________

photograph: Penelope Cruz

Send Down The Ladder

(for Kelly Dickson)

I know she's up there

Hiding in the leaves

A tree house

That's-for-me house

Half-way between clouds and flower garden

Hey up there! Excuse me! Pardon!

Let down the rope ladder

Send down the rope ladder

I know she's up there

Actin' like she don't care

I brought

Sandwiches and tea

Send our secret ladder down!

It's dull here on the ground!

I even brought two lovely ripe plums

And with that--presto!--down it comes

Now we're two up in the tree

Quite contentedly

NO BOYS!

NO BOYS!

NO BOYS!

Just Baby K

And me

Queen and duchess

Of the cloud and garden tree.

_______

The Tenant

Love comes and goes, like the downstairs tenant--

Sometimes noisy, maddening, only leaving with the sunrise, cuffed in the back of a squad car;

And other times gentle, sweet, barely making a ripple until, while you watch over her shoulder as she paints near the east light of the French windows, she demands to be kissed

Simply by being there before you.

Love is a dog, oh what a dog--

Look what you've done now, and

Look how I love you...

Love is a cat, and as cats will,

Comes when she cares to, and

Does she love me? Maybe...maybe...

Love is the thing I wait for

Through the early evenings of December

And the early mornings of June,

Sensing,

Somehow,

That she is coming,

That she is perhaps already near,

Disguised with your name and face,

Bringing joy

Grace

And her fickle, charming ways.

Welcome, tenant, whatever you bring this time...

Here is your key;

Welcome home.

__________

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone. :-)

Gladys Edna Croppelbottom

Gladys Edna Croppelbottom

Full of grace and whatnottelbottom,

Leaves everyone besottelbottomed

And to most things says whynottelbottom?

Gladys Edna Croppelbottom

Once she starts, won't stoppelbottom,

By S&M is not shockelbottomed

And is a well-known toppelbottom.

Such a lady

A genuine star--

You can see her ride by

In her fifty-foot car.

Gladys Edna Croppelbottom

Was once A-Lula Be-Boppelbottom,

But she died on an Everest outcroppelbottom

When she didn't notice the droppelbottom.

________

The name "Gladys Edna Croppelbottom" is the product of the twisted mind of Helen T. ;-)

The superfluous picture of Jordana Brewster is for you, Mac. :-)

"Be-Bop-A-Lula" sung by Gene Vincent.

________

Rick

Oh yes,

I think it's wonderful.

Truly.

I wish you every happiness.

Who needs that rainbow shit anyway?

Good for you.

I'm glad. Honest.

You and Rick.

Hi, Rick.

Nice to meet you, too.

I know, gotta love her, right?

Ha ha.

What a girl.

Okay, bye Rick.

Rick.

Wtf kind of name is Rick?

I mean, is that made up, or what?

Rick.

It sounds vaguely disease-y.

"I'm sorry, but your hamster has rick."

That's pretty ricked.

Rick you, and your little dog, too.

"Did you hear? Uncle Larry has advanced rick. He's really ricked now."

What a shame.

"She ricked her girlfriend."

"Get out. No way."

"Way."

"Wow."

Scientists say rick in the water is responsible for the outbreak.

Rick may lie undetected for years. Intestinal rick. Rick fever.

Mad rick disease.

Fine.

Be with Rick.

I hope his rick turns black and falls off.

I hope his rick rolls down his pantleg and lands on your parents' Persian carpet.

I hope the dog eats it.

Poor dog.

Here's the number of a good vet.

What a rickhead.

No, you.

I didn't mean that.

Sure I did.

No I didn't.

Fine.

Go with Rick.

Here's the name of a good flea shampoo.

Break up with Rick, free.

1-800-RICK-SUX.

So, a lesbian, a straight girl, and a rick walk into a bar...

Oh, you've heard that one.

Rick joke, I know.

I better go.

Peace out.

Check it out.

Poke it with a rick.

Oh, you've already done that.

Sorry, but that's

Just

Plain

Rick.

______

Dammit Janet

Lambs, what I'm about to reveal to you may shock you. It may upset every idea of me you ever had. You may shake your head and say, "Fireblossom is just not the gal we thought she was." But truly, I promise to put aside the wasted years and do better in the future.

You see, dear readers, until today, I was a Rocky Horror Picture Show virgin. Yes, it's true. My empty life held no meaning. I had never done The Time Warp. But now someone--a woman who seemed at least marginally normal--has deflowered me. Pardon my frankness. Pardon my Frank N. Furter-ness.

And now, if you'll just take a step to your left. Jump back to the right. Put your hands on your hips...

_______

Succubus Resurgent

The Succubus starts to get her strut back.

First,

She does something about her hair.

The stylist is stoked;

It's not every day she gets a genuine bona fide soul-stealing demon in her chair for a color and cut.

As the split ends fall,

Little smoke wisps curl up from the floor of the salon,

So that the place starts to smell like an unlikely combination of hair spray, peroxide, shampoo, and brimstone.

Succubi sleep around;

It's what they do.

Next thing they know, they're on Oprah, cautionary tales with long red fingernails, dabbing at their intense dark eyes with a hankie and blubbering out, "Mother was right. I'm miserable!"

Well, shit.

The Succubus is not about to let this happen to her.

She reminds herself that she is the kind of girl who hands out the ace of spades as a valentine,

Runs with the wolves,

And goes where she damn well pleases, doing what she will when she gets there.

She has stopped spelling out Chloe's name with the bones of her victims, though she knows she will never really forget her.

These days, she enters the dreams of Denise the waitress, but instead of stealing, she finds herself leaving shavings from her black and eternal heart behind,

Strewn across Denise's dreams like rose petals on white bed sheets.

Her love is such, that mornings find her woozy and talking gibberish, making up nicknames for her new baby,

Like "Pooky"

And "Love Muffin."

She would die if anybody besides Denise heard her,

But, the woman is impossible to resist...

Sitting in her shrimpy kitchen, smoking, wearing Van Gogh "Starry Night" jam bottoms and an old top, that though it is loose--or because it is--makes her breasts look so appealing that,

If there were a road where her stove and refrigerator are,

She would cause pile-ups all over the place--

Broken fenders and hearts.

When they kiss,

Denise's cigarette flares up in the ash tray like a sunspot,

The tv on the counter goes all weird,

And the copper-bottomed pots all fall off the wall.

"Be careful with my soul," whispers the Succubus, who knows better than most how to spot one that's been stolen.

_________