Lambs, what I'm about to reveal to you may shock you. It may upset every idea of me you ever had. You may shake your head and say, "Fireblossom is just not the gal we thought she was." But truly, I promise to put aside the wasted years and do better in the future.
You see, dear readers, until today, I was a Rocky Horror Picture Show virgin. Yes, it's true. My empty life held no meaning. I had never done The Time Warp. But now someone--a woman who seemed at least marginally normal--has deflowered me. Pardon my frankness. Pardon my Frank N. Furter-ness.
And now, if you'll just take a step to your left. Jump back to the right. Put your hands on your hips...