Let's steal down by the river--
I want to hear fugitive leaves crunch under my back
And look up at the moon caught in lonesome branches;
I want to see a cloud of breath escape your smile
Right before you kiss me.
Let's steal
Down by the river.
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I love the image of the fugitive leaves!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I wanted to give a sense of getting away with something, sneaking out and stealing a moment.
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased you liked it. :-)
(an unintended consequence of the last line of this poem, though, is that it always gets "London Calling" stuck in my head. Argh!)
fugitive leaves with nowhere to flee but back to the soil to be reborn some distant time.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good poem!
I agree fugitive leaves sounds good!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jannie, and welcome to The Word Garden! Always nice to welcome a Texan. :-)
ReplyDeleteWow, Arts & P., that phrase seems to be a success. In the first draft, they were simply "dry leaves" but i changed it on edit to "fugitive leaves." Glad I did!
ReplyDelete"I want to see a cloud of breath escape your smile
ReplyDeleteRight before you kiss me."
What a lovely phrase. The entire poem is lovely.
Thanks, Tracey-Ann. Your blogs are lovely.
ReplyDeleteI really like this poem. It is full of imagery, when I read the phrase, "fugitive leaves crunch under my back" I could see a girl laying down by the river with leaves looking up into the moon. The whole poem just gave me so many images, I could see this night and feel the excitement of love.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I really like the first line and the last line, it ties the whole poem together. Itmakes me think of stolen kisses and stolen time.
Thanks, Grace! I'm glad I was able to make it vivid. And, as always, it's nice to see you here. :-)
ReplyDeleteA succinct yet sumptuous (semi) sonnet.
ReplyDeleteA sensationally sibilant response, sir! ;-)
ReplyDeletethis is a wonderful poem. gently piercing.
ReplyDeleteand i find myself reading these words, again and again.
"I want to see a cloud of breath escape your smile
Right before you kiss me."
thank you for dropping by and visiting me, so that i could discover this and your wonderful words.
sorry about the small print. it's a style thing. a habit. a signature i suppose. and aside from my many bad habits, this is one i find hard to break...
smiles.
angela.
Hi Angela! I'm so glad that you stopped by The Word Garden, and that you enjoyed "17". :-)
ReplyDeleteI have my own private river, just by the glen - it has salmon and trout in it, and the glen is empty other than the trees, copious ivy and the birds.
ReplyDeleteI jest you not. It's a special place that only I visit, way past the bottom of my garden. The fairies and I know it well. 'Tis the place I seek out when I need to think.
Reading this, I'd be tempted to believe you have trespassed there, and left a mark.
^^ And what makes you think that I am not one of your fairies, hmm? ;-)
ReplyDelete