Sunday, October 19, 2008

17



Let's steal down by the river--

I want to hear fugitive leaves crunch under my back

And look up at the moon caught in lonesome branches;

I want to see a cloud of breath escape your smile

Right before you kiss me.

Let's steal

Down by the river.

___________________


16 comments:

Mama Zen said...

I love the image of the fugitive leaves!

Fireblossom said...

Yeah, I wanted to give a sense of getting away with something, sneaking out and stealing a moment.

I'm pleased you liked it. :-)

(an unintended consequence of the last line of this poem, though, is that it always gets "London Calling" stuck in my head. Argh!)

Jannie Funster said...

fugitive leaves with nowhere to flee but back to the soil to be reborn some distant time.

It's a good poem!

Art and Poetry said...

I agree fugitive leaves sounds good!

Fireblossom said...

Thanks, Jannie, and welcome to The Word Garden! Always nice to welcome a Texan. :-)

Fireblossom said...

Wow, Arts & P., that phrase seems to be a success. In the first draft, they were simply "dry leaves" but i changed it on edit to "fugitive leaves." Glad I did!

Tracey-Ann said...

"I want to see a cloud of breath escape your smile

Right before you kiss me."

What a lovely phrase. The entire poem is lovely.

Fireblossom said...

Thanks, Tracey-Ann. Your blogs are lovely.

Grace DeWitt said...

I really like this poem. It is full of imagery, when I read the phrase, "fugitive leaves crunch under my back" I could see a girl laying down by the river with leaves looking up into the moon. The whole poem just gave me so many images, I could see this night and feel the excitement of love.

Also, I really like the first line and the last line, it ties the whole poem together. Itmakes me think of stolen kisses and stolen time.

Fireblossom said...

Thanks, Grace! I'm glad I was able to make it vivid. And, as always, it's nice to see you here. :-)

Marty said...

A succinct yet sumptuous (semi) sonnet.

Fireblossom said...

A sensationally sibilant response, sir! ;-)

angela said...

this is a wonderful poem. gently piercing.

and i find myself reading these words, again and again.

"I want to see a cloud of breath escape your smile

Right before you kiss me."

thank you for dropping by and visiting me, so that i could discover this and your wonderful words.

sorry about the small print. it's a style thing. a habit. a signature i suppose. and aside from my many bad habits, this is one i find hard to break...

smiles.

angela.

Fireblossom said...

Hi Angela! I'm so glad that you stopped by The Word Garden, and that you enjoyed "17". :-)

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

I have my own private river, just by the glen - it has salmon and trout in it, and the glen is empty other than the trees, copious ivy and the birds.

I jest you not. It's a special place that only I visit, way past the bottom of my garden. The fairies and I know it well. 'Tis the place I seek out when I need to think.

Reading this, I'd be tempted to believe you have trespassed there, and left a mark.

Fireblossom said...

^^ And what makes you think that I am not one of your fairies, hmm? ;-)